This past weekend Mike and I went on a short trip with our best friends. We met with another couple, and we all shared a wonderful time together. Between the three couples we have 146 years of marriage.
Mike and I will be celebrating our 53rd wedding anniversary in January. Our marriage, like all marriages, has endured storms. We made it through all the choppy waters because we understood that everything in life passes through a period of testing, It’s how we choose to move forward that makes all the difference. Using the metaphor of weather, and how it changes, is a perfect way to describe a marriage. We know that all storms pass through, some are much more destructive than others. I believe that most marriages that are going through troubled waters can be saved.
Saving A Troubled Marriage
If you have been blessed with children, they must be a major part of healing the marriage. You cannot be selfish in a decision that affects others. Consider the consequences before making a life-changing choice. It all starts with God, and we know that He hates divorce.
Malachi 2:16 New American Bible (Revised Edition)
6 For I hate divorce,
says the Lord, the God of Israel,
And the one who covers his garment with violence,
says the Lord of hosts.
You should be on guard, then, for your life,
and you must not break faith.
Don’t wait too long before you realize that you’re in too deep. Once you get over being the victim and take a better look at the situation, it’s time to pray. Prayer can ease your mind and redirect your thoughts. If you have a trusted friend who you know will guide you in the right direction, you can confide in them. Do not go to someone who is going to automatically take your side because you will never get out of the rut. In my situation, many times the Holy Spirit reveals that overreacting to something trivial can be remedied by a simple apology.
And that is exactly what needs to be done. Three small words, “I am sorry.”
I Am Sorry
These words are part of my vocabulary. Even when I know that I am right about a situation and there is no way to convince the other party, I apologize for the sake of peace. Believe me when I say letting go of something hurtful takes time. But if you don’t nip it in the bud, these emotions can pile up within you until they rule over you and convince your mind that you have been wronged. A marriage should never reach this type of tension. Forgiveness should always rule our hearts.
Forgive
Why must we always forgive? Forgiveness builds character and develops special graces in us. We can move freely to get past any transgressions brought on by others. There is power in forgiveness.
Therapy
We were not born with immediate solutions to all of our problems. Each and every day offers us another opportunity for growth. We all want the right answers, but to some the repetitive wrong reactions give the impression that you are right when in reality God is attempting to teach you a life lesson. When our children were in the teenage years I had to seek outside counsel. The therapy helped me understand that my parenting needed more assurance. Both Mike and I worked at making sure that we were doing our best in raising our children.
I also discovered through therapy that inner healing was part of God’s plan. In order for me to become a better parent, I needed to learn to love myself. That terminology “love yourself” was unheard of in my Hispanic culture. Though it took some time, God was teaching me all along that my inadequate feelings of self-love were part of the problem in my parenting as well as my marriage. We all want to be blessed with a happy marriage, but it could take a lifetime of lessons to achieve.
Good Friends And Family
I only have a handful of good friends, and I cherish these relationships because they have taught me to become a better person. This last trip was wonderful because we all had a common ground of enduring marriages and we love the Lord. We all have grown children and grandchildren and love to share photos and stories of our families.
We met in Nashville to celebrate the opening of Larry and Helen’s son Jason’s restaurant. Jason and his wife Sarah, along with their three daughters, moved to the south two years ago, and they are both working hard to make their business succeed. Mr. J’s is quaint, impeccably clean and the food was wonderful!
Nashville
We were in Nashville in 2018, and I do not remember this city being so crowded with so many party people. It seemed that this is the place to go to when having a bachelorette party. With so many busy Honky Tonk bars, it was difficult to choose which one to experience the music. We finally walked into Nudies. This establishment houses three stories of millions of dollars of country music memorabilia. It also has three stages and Nashville’s longest bar, 100 feet. We stayed to enjoy a few songs; maybe now I will develop a greater appreciation of country music.
The Food
Yes, the food was great but so was the company. When we break bread with friends, the memories are more special. We all ate so much barbecue: ribs, pulled pork and tri-tip, along with all the sides. We came back home with a few extra layers wrapped around our waistlines.
Sunday
In order to avoid committing a mortal sin, I found a Catholic church not far from where we were staying. What a wonderful surprise to see so many families attending the 11 o’clock service. As we were leaving I spoke to the deacon. He shared with me that he was from Orange and attended Orange High School in my home town.
My Prayer
Dear Lord, Thank You for Godly friends. I pray that we all remain dependent on Your guidance in our lives. Help us to become better parents, grandparents and friends. As we grow older give us favor with a healthy lifestyle. Bless our marriages and keep all evil from us and our families. Amen.