The Key To A Good Marriage

Our Sacramental Marriage, January 22, 2022

The Transition

Mike and I will be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary.

As a young bride, I lived in a world of bliss — with God as secondary, because I wanted freedom. In past blog posts, you can read about the years spent protesting against the Vietnam War, along with every far-left political wave that came my way. Then came the wake-up call from God.

God First

God must always be first in a marriage. When He is not the priority, conflict follows — and conflict, left unaddressed, turns into division. Lines get drawn, boundaries get set, and somehow, without prayer, you may survive without ever truly resolving the underlying issues.

In my own case, unresolved conflicts were quietly placed on a shelf, saved as ammunition for the next battle. It took years of maturing — and, more than anything, turning to God — to soften a hardened heart. For a long time, the need to explain every offense dominated: why it happened, how it hurt, and when it occurred. Remorse was what seemed deserved. Instead, God taught forgiveness.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is an essential gift God has bestowed on us.

As an extroverted, unorganized, strong-willed person married to an introverted, Type A personality, the contrast could not be more striking. If life were an orchestra, the trumpet would be playing full blast while Mike quietly drew the bow across the violin. Yet God knew exactly what He was doing — because in an extraordinary way, we balance each other.

Forgiveness is one of the most important elements in a marriage. No matter how deep the offense, where there is love, there is always room to forgive. Of the many times Jesus spoke on forgiveness, the passage that stands out most is Matthew 18:21–22:

Matthew 18:21–22 — New American Bible (Revised Edition)

“Then Peter approaching asked him, ‘Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.'”

Truth and Transparency

Never lie to or keep secrets from a spouse. God always exposes the truth — and when it comes to light, a choice must be made: continue in the sin or turn toward forgiveness. That is precisely why God gave us free will. Without genuine contrition, the fall back into sin is almost inevitable.

A word of caution: resist the urge to air grievances publicly, especially on social media. Some things, once said, can never be unsaid. Social media is a powerful platform — one meant to edify and uplift, not to wound or tear down.

Larry and Helen, our best man and matron of honor

Godly Friends

As a couple, only a handful of truly good friends surround us — people who are like-minded, who inspire and encourage. A good friend always wants what is best and will never offer wrong counsel. Trust cannot be placed in someone who is not aligned with godly beliefs. Handle the delicate matters of life with care, and be discerning about who is given access to them. What may not always be visible is this: some who appear friendly may harbor jealousy toward a strong marriage and, whether intentionally or not, offer harmful advice.

Proverbs says it plainly:

Proverbs 18:24 — New American Bible (Revised Edition)

“There are friends who bring ruin, but there are true friends more loyal than a brother.”

As a young mother, there was a most wonderful friend named Christy — the wife of our pastor during the born-again years. She and her husband Bill had children the same age as ours, and the friendship felt like it would last forever. Then came the move from the San Fernando Valley to Orange County, and suddenly there were no friends at all.

Prayer followed — persistent, patient prayer — and God answered by bringing Larry and Helen into our lives. They were the first married couple to become true friends as a couple. Mike and Larry meet for breakfast regularly; Helen and I exercise together twice a week. The relationship is grounded in God, and the conversations are always wholesome.

Beyond that, Mike has his golfing companions, and there are dear friends from church. My two sisters, Jo and Norma, are often my rock — steady, faithful, always available for prayer. My friend Cindy and I have known each other since high school and have never lost touch; she prays for me, and that gift is returned. Even though Susanna has moved out of state, she remains one of my most faithful prayer warriors.

Every trusted relationship in this life has one thing in common: it is rooted in Christ.

For Better or Worse

From the very first Christmas together, it was clear Mike was a keeper. The gifts he gave were thoughtful and deliberate — a beautiful dress, a pair of block-heeled shoes, perfume. They were the gifts of someone who pays attention. To this day, that same generosity flows from his heart to everyone around him. When it comes to the grandchildren, nothing is held back. Papa will drive miles to track down whatever special something they have requested.

When Sonja was in second grade, Cabbage Patch dolls were the must-have gift of the season. Mike stood in line at Toys R Us to make sure his little girl got hers. When Mikos wanted a particular baseball card, Mike made sure it was found and purchased.

After coming home from the hospital following a battle with COVID, Mike prepared every meal and did everything possible to make the recovery comfortable. When he is under the weather, the care is returned in kind. That is what it means to be a team — and through every trial, the commitment is to remain steadfast, because God does not step aside when things get hard. He walks through it all with us.

Our Blessed Marriage

On January 22, 2022, Mike and I were united through the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony at our parish, St. Norbert — and the story of how that day came to be is worth telling.

In a previous blog post, “The Long Overdue Wedding,” the full account is shared of what was believed to be a sacramental marriage: vows renewed in Rome at the Papal Basilica of St. Paul Outside the Walls, officiated by a dear friend, Father Pat Hussey. It was a beautiful and meaningful moment — but without the proper documentation to validate the original nuptials, it could not be recognized as a valid sacrament in the eyes of the Church.

When Father Leonard Mary brought this to our attention, there was only one path forward: fix it. Despite the fact that the world was still navigating the aftermath of COVID, a wedding was planned — invitations, venue, sacramental preparation, and all. By the grace of God, it came together.

My Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

May every marriage seek Your holy counsel. Comfort those who are hurting, and surround them with people who will guide them toward truth and grace. Bless the couples who have endured — who have chosen, again and again, to stay — for they are a beacon of hope to all who are watching.

Lord, Your first miracle was at the wedding in Cana. You turned water into wine at the request of a mother who trusted You completely. Grant that same miraculous grace to every couple in need of healing — the grace to forgive, to begin again, and to trust that You are still working.

Amen.

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First Prison Visit of 2025

I guess the Devil knew all along that this appointment was going to be one of the most spiritual visits.

I’m not taking the role of Elijah, thinking that I am the only one who can minister to Mario  ( I Kings 18:22) but I feel a strong calling to help him readjust to life once he becomes a free man. A person who has known God on a deep level will always rely on prayer, and trusting the Lord will see him through all that is ahead of him. No one can make it without God.

Later that evening I drove to St. Martin de Porres in Yorba Linda for Adoration and stayed for the 6:30 p.m. Mass.

The Visit

As usual  the guards were one half-hour late in checking us in. The weather was going to remain 60 degrees, so I asked for a table in the sun. I quickly asked one of the aides for the “Good News Bible,” then purchased our meals. Two beef and bean burritos, one hamburger, one Santa Fe Chicken salad, two bags of chips a coke for Mario and water for myself. The burritos brought back a fond memory of my high school days. “I used to buy burritos like this at the student store in high school,” I shared with Mario. We split the cheeseburger, and Mario ate the salad.

Service Dog Training

In March of last year Mario signed up for a service dog training program. He had totally forgotten about it until last week when he was approached by two men dressed in business suits who selected him to be part of the program. Mario will either receive a Golden Retriever or a Labrador. The puppy will stay with Mario during the entire time of training. Mario was very excited about this because he has always been a dog lover.

College Courses

Last semester Mario received A’s in all of his classes and discovered that statistics was his favorite and most challenging subject. He is currently taking another load of classes and enjoying his Social Problem class. These classes are taught by local college instructors. He is in his second year of sign language to fulfill part of his language requirement.

Bible Study

I have mentioned in past blogs that many times I get inspired by the homilies  at daily Mass. We are blessed with two wonderful, spirit-filled priests at our parish. A recent  homily was about Jacob wrestling with God; two weeks ago my blog was about this subject matter.

The study was deep and Mario, who is pretty knowledgeable about the Bible, gleaned new spiritual insight. Genesis 32-33 is about Jacob receiving a blessing. He needed this favor from God before restoring  his relationship with his brother Esau. Jacob feared the worse and wanted God to assure him that all would go well.  This was a pivotal moment in Jacob’s life, so much so that God changed his name to Israel.

I always encourage Mario  to convert to the Catholic faith, but he is still reluctant to make such a big commitment.

Substance Abuse Program

SAP is a program that has made its rounds in prisons, but for the first time Mario is attending the classes. This program educates inmates about  substance abuse and the consequences that come with it. The inmates will learn about the addiction cycle and recovery. They will also learn the connection between alcohol and drug abuse. Eighty percent of prisoners suffer from substance abuse. SAP helps inmates understand behavior such as anger, criminal thinking, and habit development.

Some of these programs include addressing dysfunctional family dynamics and issues of domestic violence. Mario is attending these meetings on a regular basis. With all his extracurricular classes, he is getting an earlier release. He wants his parole to be in the state of Arizona to be near his mother and sisters. Please continue to pray for God’s favor over Mario’s life, so that he can live near his family. It’s a lot of bureaucratic paperwork for him to receive permission to live out of state.

California Wildfires

During the devastating wildfires, guess what our California legislators were doing? They were securing $50 million to Trump proof-California. They want to make sure that our state remains a sanctuary state. Our governor is more concerned about the illegals than its citizens.

My Prayer

Please continue to pray for all those people who lost their homes that God will protect them as they navigate through recovery. Lord, may Your hand be upon these hurting souls. Comfort them and allow them to feel Your holy presence through all the ashes. Amen.

 

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God’s Wake Up Call

Our Lady of Guadalupe standing through all the fire rubble. Mother Mary pray for us!

I am a second-generation native Californian, which means my children are third- and my grandchildren are fourth-generation Californians.

California

I live 20 minutes from the beach,  and  I can hear the fireworks from Disneyland go off every night at 9:30. The “Big A” Anaheim Stadium is a stone’s throw away from us. Our grandson Will skis at Big Bear almost every weekend during the winter. Our state is a model of gracious living that has been ruined by liberal politicians.

The Liberals

Our state has accumulated astronomical debt because of frivolous, mismanaged spending. Our current politicians are more concerned about saving a fish than allowing water to help its citizens. They are too busy spending our tax dollars on making sure that inmates, including those on death row, receive a sex change. I know it’s referred to as gender reassignment  (only God can do that) because that makes it sound more acceptable. Four million of our tax dollars have been set aside for “gender reassignment” for inmates, and that includes non-citizens.

Climate Change

For the love of God, do not blame climate change for these fires. These fires are due to the lack of resources our governor has tied up by failing to allow money to clear the brush and to provide water. Yes, of course he is going to conduct an investigation, but guess what? We will be paying for that as well. The Liberals are all about “Climate Change,” so California has a budget of 54 BILLION for this as well! I don’t know about you, but the forest and all the wildlife that has been affected but these fires has sickened me. So go ahead and build a passage over the 405 freeway for the wildlife to cross. Sadly, many of these beautiful animals have died or have been displaced because of the fires. By the way, California’s budget for the wildlife crossing was 61.5 million dollars!

Migrant Services

Our governor proudly boasts that California is a  “sanctuary state.” Since 2023 we taxpayers have paid 159 million dollars for services for migrants. These are people who have entered our country illegally. We have laws for this:  you want to become a naturalized citizen, no one should be exempt.

California has allocated $20 million to bring women from out of state to abort their babies.

Diversity Equity Inclusion

The Los Angeles Fire Department is a perfect example of DEI. They wanted to make sure that all was fair in their hiring. No one cares if you’re a man or a woman in an emergency! Guess how much money we spent on this? One billion dollars! This information is from the Center of Organizational Research Education.

California”s budget to train teachers on LGBTQ issues is 3 million dollars! Do we really need this?

The Homeless

The kinder name for this epidemic is “unhoused.” Our governor, along with the Los Angeles mayor, have together wasted 827 million dollars. The homeless numbers have increased by 3% this year. For 20 years I headed a homeless outreach in Los Angeles. These are hurting souls who lost their way; they need spiritual direction and love, not fancy housing with a gym and coffee bar. They are, because of their, drug abuse mentally unstable. We need to open more mental hospitals for psychiatric evaluation and rehabilitation.

According to the Los Angeles Fire Department, in 2023  13, 909 fires were started by the homeless.

The Saints

I am Catholic and by the providence of God all up and down our coast are saints’ names: (This is from a previous Blog that I wrote several years ago.)

Saint Juan Junipero Serra

When Juan Junipero Serra arrived in Alta California, his purpose was to convert the Native Americans to Catholicism. He brought with him a small specimen of a grape vine; he needed this to grow grapes for the wine used in the consecration of the host. Juan Junipero Serra, more than anything, was true to his Catholic beliefs. He was in his 50s when he first began his apostolic missionary work in California. He had one goal in mind: to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ and to teach the Indians about farming and cattle ranching. Father Serra was born in Mallorca, an island off of Spain. He was a university professor before he made his way to Mexico, his first mission. His calling was to convert the indigenous people of Mexico to the Catholic faith, but he was also called to plant churches. The world of the Aztecs was so much more ostentatious than that of  the Indians in Alta California. The churches in Mexico were more elaborate and ornately decorated because of the gold and silver resources available to them. The missions in California were simple, beautiful, and functional, built with adobe brick to sustain earthquakes and fires.  I thank God for Saint Juan Junipero Serra for making our state hallowed ground. He consecrated nine of the 21 missions, and all are still operating parishes to this day. So many other contributions came because Father Serra answered his call to serve. Though he was only able to see the completion of nine missions, his work continued through the hands of other missionary priests.  The Mission San Antonio de Padua was the first to manufacture red tile roofs, which are still very much a part of California’s architecture.

Santa Ana

Santa Ana was named for St. Anne, Jesus’  grandmother, who comes from the lineage of David. She was the mother of Mary, who is the Mother of God.

The Santa Ana River runs from the San Bernardino Mountains, makes its way through Riverside County, and cuts through the Northern Santa Ana Mountains via Santa Ana Canyon. The river continues through Orange County to its final destination, the Pacific Ocean.

Our tumultuous winds are also named after Santa Ana, and one of the main arteries running through California is called the Santa Ana Freeway  (Interstate 5).

 

This is the replica of the San Damiano Crucifix

San Francisco

St. Francis of Assisi was one of  our most prolific saints; he loved nature and personified peace. St. Francis was born to a noble family and, for the first part of his life, he lived in sin. He was a “party animal.” Everyone who knew him loved him because he was gifted with a beautiful personality. He was known to always be happy; he was a charming leader. Francis was hand picked by God, Who spoke to him in a dream to redirect his life. One day he was praying at the San Damiano Church in Assisi. He heard Christ speak to him from the Crucifix saying, “Francis, repair my church.” At first Francis thought that Jesus was speaking of the San Damiano Church, but Jesus  was speaking of the Catholic Church. Francis renounced all  his wayward ways and his wealth to serve the Lord. He is one of my favorite saints, not only because he is the patron saint of animals, but because of him the Catholic churches in the Holy Land are under the custody of the Franciscans.

Sacramento

Our state capital bears the name of the Blessed Sacrament. For Catholics this is the body of Christ! A few years ago I took a tour of our state capital. I walked into the rooms where life-changing decisions take place, where our elected officials take the role of orchestrating  the laws of this great state. I remember praying and thinking what a great opportunity it is to serve this  state. Directly to the left of the capital building, conveniently located to the east, is the Cathedral of the Blessed Sacrament, where some legislators pray before making decisions.

What happened since the first mission in San Diego was built over 250 years ago? The people of our beautiful state have slowly drifted away from God. It’s almost as if an earthquake hit us in slow motion; we never saw it coming, so we never prepared for it. So here we are, still standing on hallowed ground. It took awhile to recognize the damage caused by removing God and replacing Him with all these feel-good demigods. We need to reclaim our state and re-establish what God intended when He sent the first missionaries.

My Prayer

Dear Lord, I pray for all the firefighters who are tirelessly working to save lives and to contain these fires. These firefighters are also saving the lives of wildlife. My heart is broken by the selfish acts of our politicians and I know You, Lord, will judge them accordingly. Let all the saints from San Francisco to San Diego pray for us! Amen.

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