My Heart of the Matter

In the Sad Memory of George Floyd

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Rest in Peace Mr. George Floyd

No one in his right mind condones the death of George Floyd. He was murdered for the entire world to see. We are all aware of evil and how it prevails, but what took place on this dreadful day was inexcusable. No human being should ever suffer this type of heinous death. When we ignore these actions, we are sending a message that we do not care. I am not black, but I know what racism is about. I’ve experienced it a handful of times. It has never been a constant in my life, but I understand it exists. When we first moved to Orange County, I went to the elementary school to register my children into the public school that was in our district. As soon as I walked into the office I was greeted by an unfriendly woman. She asked me, “And why do you think you can register your children at this school? Who told you this was your school?” My answer was, “The realtor did.” I was not from this city, and I had no idea that this school was predominantly white. That woman was a racist, and she was going to do her best to make me feel uncomfortable. I never liked her because of her condescending behavior, but I never had anger toward her. Though this happened almost 40 years ago, I never forgot about this cold, unwelcome reception. I learned early in life not to allow this type of person to dictate who I was. I told myself that I would never make an individual feel inferior. Now imagine if this type of racist behavior happened to you on a regular basis. It’s hard to turn the other cheek if this is a constant. Think before judging, because unless you’re black, you will never really understand their plight. Black people need to be heard, and we need to listen to what they have to say.

Lesson in Serving the Homeless

In the twenty years of feeding the homeless on Skid Row in Los Angeles, the one thing that I learned is to respect the person at whatever stage in life they are. Respect is a small word with a profound meaning: from Webster’s Dictionary,

Verb

REGARD, RESPECT, ESTEEM, ADMIRE mean to recognize the worth of a person or thing. REGARD is a general term that is usually qualified.

If we as a ministry had not recognized that a person who lives on the streets had worth, we could never have shown them love. I have come across the hardest-looking dudes on Skid Row, but when we showed them respect, they opened their hearts to receive. I have always trained the others helping us that at no time are they allowed to touch anyone without first asking that person’s permission. This is their personal  space, and we learned to respect them because they have worth. We were all created by one God, and each of us has a special purpose and calling. We are all called to love one another.

United We Stand

We are all in this together. Just as during the pandemic, we should unite for the betterment of humanity. This last incident has hit all Americans in the gut; I can’t breathe either. It took the actions of one mindless officer to make us aware of the need to re-evaluate how we treat other human beings. This unjust treatment has got to stop! I, for one, will become more cognizant of my actions. To love is to always place the needs of others before your own. Become a servant and you will understand what love is really about. Jesus took the role of a servant by washing the feet of His disciples. He knew what suffering was ahead for Him, yet He took the role of a lowly servant. Why do you think Jesus did this? It wasn’t because the disciples’ feet were dirty; he was teaching them to be servants. If you do not learn to serve, you develop a spirit of entitlement. Our country suffers with a slew of entitled people, and they come from all races and economic backgrounds.

The Perfect Storm

I was already upset with the stay-at-home order, and anger was taking hold of my daily dialogue. We were never without; Mike works from home so our finances remained status quo. It was the inconveniences of staying home that was making me crazy. Now imagine if you did not have food or income – how much more would the pandemic affect those individuals? This was the perfect storm: restlessness meets anger, and all hell breaks loose. How do we fix this big mess? People who have experienced hurricanes and tornados understand the aftermath. They started anew. They cleaned up the mess the storm had left behind. They built stronger homes to withstand the coming storms. Most importantly, they drew closer to God. Only God can see us through this storm, and only by turning our anger into love can we withstand the upheaval. We need to rebuild our spirits in order to withstand these attacks. We need to put on the armor of God to dodge the fiery darts that are being thrown our way. These assignments are from hell, and they are meant to rob, kill and destroy. We need to remain in constant prayer.

John 10:10 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

10 A thief comes only to steal and slaughter and destroy; I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly.

The Police

A dear friend of mine called me Saturday, asking me to pray for her brother who is a lieutenant with the Sheriffs Department. He was gearing up to face the angry mobs in Los Angeles. If you think for one moment that these officers were not apprehensive, you’re kidding yourself. They had nothing to do with the murder of George Floyd, yet they are going to be held accountable. Their lives have value, and they, too, matter. You want to talk about restraint? These officers have to put up with bottles of urine and feces, M-80’s thrown at them, and strangers yelling obscenities right in their faces.

We are all accountable for our actions, and as I watched this news unfold, I became angry because of all the looting and destruction taking place. But what angered me the most was the manner in which the media covered the story. It was more of an incitement to violence than reporting it. When there is lawlessness, it must be contained with the intention to stop the actions of the mob. Another friend texted me a flyer with information on a rally of solidarity. The strange thing about this flyer was that there was no mention of George Floyd. It started with F*** the police, mask up, wear black and bring your Homies. The people inciting this type of behavior are self-serving individuals who care little about the real problem. I will never side with rioting because it cultivates violence and portrays all protesters as criminals. You lose the ear of the masses when this happens because there is no excuse for lawlessness.

Matthew 24:12 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

12 Because lawlessness is increased, most people’s love will grow cold. 

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great of a burden to bear.”  Martin Luther King, Jr.

“In a gentle way you can shake the world.” Mahatma Gandhi

“Only when we have become nonviolent toward all life will we have learned to live well ourselves.” Cesar Chavez

1 Peter 4:8 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

8 Above all, let your love for one another be intense, because love covers a multitude of sins.

Lord, heal our land!

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Funny Stuff, My Heart of the Matter

The Santa Barbara House Fire

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My Husband, the Tortillero

My husband Mike is a tortillero, which means he has spent his entire life in the tortilla business. For years, we owned a mid-size tortilla factory with over 150 employees. I served as the head of Human Resources — a part-time role that allowed me to balance work with our family’s needs. Because HR required wearing many hats, I also oversaw all Workers’ Compensation matters. Several times a year, I attended mandatory conferences to stay current with ever-changing laws.

Anaheim Convention Center Conference

The conference was an all-day event featuring executives from various insurance sectors speaking on workplace safety and injury prevention. I remember signing up for the sessions on litigation because that year we had dealt with two frivolous, related claims.

Our daughter was a junior in high school, living the life of a carefree teenager. During the lunch break, I called Sonja. There were no cell phones at the time, so I waited my turn at a pay phone.

Just an Ordinary Day for Sonja

Sonja answered the phone, but the conversation took so many turns that I had forgotten why I called. “Are you and Dad going to give me a summer job? If you are, I can only work part-time. I need a couple of days off during the week so I can go to the beach.” That was just one stop on her roller coaster of a conversation.

Sonja went on to talk about her winter formal dress. “When can we go shopping? I need shoes to match — and they have to be perfect. If we can’t find the right color, I guess we can buy white satin ones and have them dyed.” By this point, I was out of breath.

Then came the part I could not believe. “By the way, your son called. He said the house in Santa Barbara burned down.”

Now I was speechless.

“Wait — wait! Can you repeat that? What are you talking about?” I yelled.

Sonja repeated it: the house in Santa Barbara had burned down.

I could not breathe. I called Mike — and he could not breathe either.

Was Mikos all right? He and his roommate had been living in the house at the time. Mikos had already reached Mike, who was on his way to a meeting with Alpha Beta, a large grocery chain. After the meeting, Mike immediately called Mikos.

“Are you okay? Did anyone get hurt?”

Mikos was shaken but answered that both he and his roommate Rick were fine.

Mikos’ Story

Mikos was a junior at Westmont College. Rather than staying for chapel, he would head home between classes to cook breakfast. His roommate Rick had just broken up with his girlfriend and was feeling melancholy, so he lit a candle in his room and then jumped into the shower.

While Mikos was frying bacon, he noticed smoke drifting in from the backyard. Rick’s room was a converted garage. Mikos’ first thought was that Rick must be shaking out a floor rug. Then he remembered — Rick was in the shower.

Mikos went out through the kitchen door to investigate. As he approached Rick’s room, he realized it was on fire. He ran back inside to tell Rick. Another friend, James, happened to be visiting. Mikos shouted for James to call 911, then ran back outside to assess the fire.

James could not find the cordless phone — and did what he decided was best for himself. He grabbed his backpack and his skateboard, jumped out a bedroom window, and rode off into the sunset.

Meanwhile, Mikos was frantically searching for the phone. He found it buried in the couch, called 911, and ran back outside with a garden hose to fight the flames. Anyone who has lived in Santa Barbara knows the water pressure in that city leaves much to be desired. Seeing that the fire was beyond his control, Mikos ran back inside to try to salvage whatever he could before the firefighters arrived and quickly put out the blaze.

The fire chief questioned both Mikos and Rick — asking whether they had argued, or whether one of them had started dating the other’s girlfriend. They were both rattled enough to tell the truth. That is, until one of the firefighters emerged holding a sock. The young firefighter pulled Mikos aside and produced a stash of marijuana from inside it.

“Is this yours?” he asked.

“I’ve never seen that — no, it’s not mine,” Mikos replied nervously.

The firefighter looked at him and said, “Well then, we won’t be reporting this to the police.”

He carefully tucked the marijuana back into the sock and slipped it into his jacket. Just like that, he had helped himself to a free score — from two shaken, traumatized college kids.

Fire and Rain

Sonja was partly right — half of the house had been damaged. Mike arrived the following morning to meet with the insurance adjuster, and we were frustrated by what followed. The insurance company agreed to pay only for the portion of the roof that had been damaged and would replace windows on just half of the house. Since the kitchen and bathroom were still functioning, they considered the home livable.

Then came one of the greatest rainstorms in the history of Santa Barbara.

No plastic tarp could hold back the torrential rain from causing further damage to the already battered cottage. Mikos said that every night during the storm he had to climb onto the roof to re-staple the tarp over the gaping hole left by the fire. He was worried the ceiling would cave in — the roof of his room had swollen with water. He would call to complain, but there was nothing we could do. Mikos was finally growing up and, quite literally, worrying about the roof over his head.

Because the fire had occurred just days before the storm, we now had to file two separate insurance claims. It was an uphill battle, but we finally got everything resolved. From start to finish, it took six months to get the Santa Barbara house back in order.

Mikos and Rick quickly befriended the construction workers — a new kind of fraternity, with its own fringe benefits: fresh drinking buddies. Mikos claimed that once the work was complete, they threw the best party in the history of Westmont College. James was in attendance.

Our Santa Barbara home

Our Kids

This is why I could only work part-time: our kids were still keeping us on our toes. On the bright side, our daughter Sonja was always on the honor roll and is one of the most responsible adults I know. Perhaps we spoiled her, but in the end she has built a wonderful, productive life alongside her husband Russ and their two sons.

Looking back at Mikos’ journey, I will say that he required a few more prayers than Sonja did. I am happy to report that all of his life experiences have shaped him into a conscientious, grounded young man. He is a wonderful husband to Jenny and a devoted father of two.

This is why I could only work part-time: our kids were still driving us crazy. On the up side, I can honestly report that our daughter Sonja was always on the honor role and is one of the most responsible adults that I know. Perhaps we spoiled her but in the end she has learned to live a wonderful, productive life with her two sons and husband Russ. Looking back at Mikos’ life, I would say that I had to pray for him a little more than for Sonja. I’m happy to report that all his life experiences have caused him to become a conscientious young man. He is a great husband to Jenny and father of two.

Don’t Worry…Learn to Pray

We had the means to rescue Mikos and set him up in a hotel while the house was under construction, but we chose not to. When Sonja began working during college, we stepped back from most of her personal financial support as well. We made these decisions because we believed our children needed to learn to fend for themselves. This season also marked my entry into the world of effectual prayer and learning to trust God. I dove in and never came out.

Santa Barbara Cottage

We still own our little home in Santa Barbara, located a block and a half from Ledbetter Beach. It has been a solid investment over the years. We often talk about taking it over and turning it into a vacation home, but life keeps us too busy for that kind of commitment. In the meantime, a wonderful family of four has been caring for the home responsibly for over 18 years.

For that, I thank God.

 

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