How many of us can remember getting our hearts broken? Honestly this happened to me only once. I was never serious enough about any young men  to have my heart broken over. I learned a lesson about experiencing a broken heart in the third grade. I was alone in my pain because I was surrounded by too many brothers and sisters, and our mother was too busy to hear my sad little story. If I kept this in my memory bank it was for a life-learning reason. I am grateful to God for all my childhood memories because they have served into molding me in who I have become today. Through the good and bad, Jesus will always be my Valentine. My love story with Mike is that of two people whom God brought together forever. We are truly one; I see what he sees and we love each other unconditionally. That will never change. We are examples to our family on how to overcome any situations that the world throws our way. I always look to God for all my misgivings in life and continually pray for His guidance. I want to become the woman that God created me to be, but only through His special graces can I say, “Thank You for loving me, Lord.”

This is the true story of my one and only heartbreak:

She carefully sorted her Valentine cards, setting aside the one for her teacher. Just one card read, “Will you be my Valentine?” This card made her little heart patter with excitement. She was smitten by Joe, the smartest kid in her third-grade class. He was perfect in her eyes; even his crowded front teeth made her smile. No one in her family of eight knew that she would one day marry Joe. How could they understand?  Her four- year-old sister was too young to grasp these things, and her brothers, all three of them, would tease her to the point of tears. Her two older sisters thought of her as a mere child. There was only one person she could trust: her best friend Anita. Anita was petite in size, kind and sweet. Only she knew how this little girl loved Joe.

It was Valentine’s Day, the day she would know for certain if her true love would reciprocate. The bus ride to school seemed to take forever, and all she could think about was the cards she and Joe  would exchange. Her unspoken love was about to reach a new zenith, and this was a lot for an eight-year-old to bear. When she entered her classroom she quietly took her seat near the back of the room. They sat in alphabetical order, so she was always among the last ones. She wished her last name started with a “P” like Joe’s instead of a “U”.  All day long, during lunch and two recesses, she waited for the Valentine card from Joe. The art project that day was to make a holder for all the Valentine cards. She cut and pasted, and the end product was perfect for holding that one card from Joe. Fifteen minutes before dismissal, the teacher announced that it was time to exchange cards.  The girl’s eyes widened with excitement as she pulled her brown bag containing the Valentines. You could hear the giggles as all the children took turns in handing out their cards. It was Joe’s turn, and, as he came toward the little girl, she put her head down. This was it, she thought to herself; now I will know how much he loves me. The bell rang it was time to go home. She held that one card tightly in her hand and opened it. The card had a picture of a kitten holding a heart which read, “You are sweet, Valentine.” What! No! No! This was not happening! She looked over at Anita.  Anita was smiling, almost gloating. The same card, purchased at Woolworth’s, that she set aside for Joe was in the petite hands of Anita! Joe loved Anita, not the little girl. She wanted to cry so badly that it hurt; but she remained strong. The bus ride home was torture, and sitting next to Anita added to her heartbreak.

Yes, this is my first memory of Valentine’s Day. I have no idea what became of Joe, but I do remember that he broke my heart that day.

Valentine’s Day

This year  no Valentine cards will be permitted in the elementary schools in our district because of COVID-19. I loved this holiday in grammar school, and our mother always made sure we had Valentine cards to pass out to our friends. Hopefully this holiday will be in full force next year. My poor eight-year-old grandson Jacob will  miss Valentine’s Day. He will never know who secretly loves him.

Valentine’s Day has become a huge marketing ploy. The statistics are staggering; over $22 billion has been spent annually on this holiday. The average consumer will spend $142 on the Feast Day of St. Valentine. Remember that it is about love and not the gifts. (I have to keep repeating that to myself.)

According to a survey from Compare Cards, which polled over 1,000 people in the United States about Valentine’s Day, this is the breakdown:

Gen Z (ages 18 to 23): $82

Millennials (24 t0 39): $113

Gen X (40-55): $293

Baby Boomers (56 to 74) :$55

St. Valentine

St. Valentine of Rome is the patron saint of love, young people, and happy marriages.  St. Valentine was put in prison by the Emperor Claudius for marrying couples and professing his faith in Jesus. While he was in prison he healed a jailer’s daughter of blindness. On the day of his execution he left the girl a card signed “Your Valentine.” This is the reason we exchange Valentine cards.

My Prayer:

Dear Lord,  You are love; without You, our hearts would be unfulfilled. Teach us to love as You love. Send us special blessings on St. Valentine’s Day. Allow us to smell the sweet fragrance of Your Holy Presence. Bless all who have lost a loved one and fill the void with Your love. Thank You for Your unconditional love that brings unity to all. Amen.

“Next year in Jerusalem” is a phrase used by the Jews to express their desire to return to the Holy Land. It’s not like throwing a coin into Rome’s Trevi Fountain, signifying that one day you will return to “The Eternal City.” If I had a choice in life, I would live in either of these two cities. I’m familiar with Jerusalem and its undeniable, complicated mix of religions; this adds to the excitement of this city.

Shopping is always an adventure in the Holy Land; you learn early on where to get the best deals. Both the Old City in Jerusalem and Bethlehem offer tourists reasonable deals with room to negotiate. I always bring back plenty of gifts from the Holy Land. The last time I visited was no different. I wanted to purchase some rosary beads that were native to the Holy Land. The national stone of  Israel is eilat,  which can only be found in the copper mines of King Solomon’s Quarries (aka Zedekiah’s Cave).

Eilat Stone

The Eilat stone’s colors are a mixture of deep blues and greens. In some jewelry the blue is more predominant, in others the green. Mixed together the dramatic stones varied and distinctive  swirling patterns of colors similar to marble. In past years I purchased eilat crosses for all of the ladies in my Bible study group. When you frequent the Holy Land as much as our group has, you become familiar with the shops and know many of the owners. There is one store in particular that we frequent because we will always get a fair deal. Dimitri Souvenirs Shop, located just past the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, is located in the Christian Quarter of the Old City. This store is a tight squeeze because it is so compact, but Dimitri will most likely have whatever you are shopping for. If he does not have the souvenirs, he will make sure to direct you to the right shop. Dimitri did not have any eilat stone rosaries and he did not know of any shops that sold them either. That did not discourage me one bit; I was on a mission to find rosary beads made with eilat stones.

At the First Station of the Cross is another store where we have made many purchases. The owners of this shop are Palestinians who live in the West Bank. Their store displayed jewelry, antique swords, glassware and rosaries. But they had no eilat rosaries either. Next door to their store is an ornate antique shop with expensive icons taken from Russian churches. As I walked in I was impressed with the cleanliness of the store. Near the cash register was an enclosed glass cabinet displaying rosaries, beautiful green rosaries. “Are these eilat stone?” I asked. The gentleman behind the counter said, “Yes.” Finally, what I had been searching for was right before my eyes. My nonchalant behavior, pretending that I was not interested, was working to help me to get a good price on these almost-impossible-to-find beads. The man pulled out the beads and told me that they were indeed made of eilat. “How much?” I asked. He told me how hard they are to come by but that he would sell them to me for $60. “Oh, that’s way too much!” I said as I turned to walk out. I’m familiar with the routine here in the Holy Land; you bargain until you get what you believe is a fair deal. “How much do you want to pay?” he answered. The stupid ball was in my court, but I double dribbled when I blurted out, “Would you take $40?” What was I thinking! Before I could change my mind I made the purchase. I went back and bought four more rosaries. This was one of the few purchases I made during that trip. I was beaming with pride at the beautiful purchases. I could not wait to get home and give them to my friends.

Fake Eilat

I gave one to one of my friends, who gave it to her cousin who had recently lost a family member. I remember thinking, “Wow,” she just gave away an eilat stone rosary! This beautiful rosary quickly became my favorite. I use it regularly and I sleep with it in my hand. Last week, while I was brushing my teeth, I noticed a small chunck of bright green on my right cheek. I used the amplified mirror to further examine it; clearly this was something that was not on my face when I went to bed. I walked over to my bed and the only unusual thing was the eilat rosary. The green color had been painted on the plastic beads and they were turning white. More than anything, I do not like to be taken advanage of. I ran downstairs to tell Mike that I had to go to the Holy Land to return the rosary. I also needed to tell my friends about the fake eilat rosary beads. Note to self: Pray Before Purchasing Items.

Pray Before you Purchase

While I was shopping for some antique end tables the other day I came across a robotic vacuum cleaner. My daughter Sonja had wanted one of these for some time. I asked a young worker, “How much for the RoboVac?” “$189, but today it’s half off.” I asked if it worked, and the young man plugged it in for about five minutes. Within a radius of two feet the little robot cleaned the floor. Before I purchased the device, I asked about the store’s exchange policy. “We only give store credit on returns,” the manager answered. I called Sonja and she gave me the go-ahead, so I purchased it. On the way to Sonja’s house my friend Pat called. She was telling me that she felt that she was not praying enough about things pertaining to her life. She went on to say that she was going to pray about everything, including small things. I looked at the back seat of my car and thought to myself that I should have prayed about this vacuum.

When we got to Sonja’s house we plugged it in and charged it up for about 15 minutes. I wanted to make sure that it worked before leaving. The remote control was corroded, so that was the first sign. We had to manually start it up, so this was the second sign. We turned it on, but after sweeping the floor for about 15 seconds, it went back to its home base. Sonja’s dog Paco was barking out of control at the robot. We tried it again but the little robot just wanted to go back to its home base. Only this time, on the way back to the base, it started to poop out all the particles it had just picked up. We could not stop laughing, but deep down all I was thinking about was the money that I spent on this ridiculous, recalcitrant vacuum. I could not ask for my money back because I understood the store’s policy. Sonja wanted me to demand the return of my money, but since this organization helps unwed mothers, that was out of the question.

The moral to this story:  I never prayed about purchasing these items. With the rosaries, I was duped because I was an out-of-town tourist and had never shopped in that particular store. Then with  the RoboVac, I was too excited about the price. A lesson learned: I need to pray before buying anything.

My Prayer: Dear Lord, teach me to be a better steward of my money, and forgive me for any frivolous spending. Dear Lord, help me to learn from these little life lessons. Blessed Mother Mary, watch over all the shop owners in Israel and help them recoup their losses from this pandemic. Amen.

Last Monday Mike and I celebrated our 49th wedding anniversary. How we have come this far is no surprise; it was through the grace of God. I married a perfectionist, a “Type A” personality, but I’m quite the opposite. I fly under the radar of unplanned big events.

I got pregnant because I hated taking birth control pills. I started taking the pill every other day and, when I was running low, I cut it in half. These measures of birth control proved to be unsuccessful; therefore our son Mikos was born. After that I stopped taking birth control pills.

I knew from the beginning what a great guy Mike was. I will always remember our first Christmas.  He showered me with so many meaningful gifts, even though we were just dating. But his benevolent heart sealed our union. My husband has a servant’s heart, and this is one of the greatest gifts you can have. His life’s work has been to keep harmony in our family.

Early on I was a handful; my liberal ideologies and my desire to be equal to my husband in marriage were posing a big problem. I was convinced that I could do better in life if I had a career. I threatened to go back to college so that I could get on with my real calling. In the meantime God was tugging at my heart to discover my real purpose in life. At no time did Mike ever try to discourage my crazy, emotional stages in life. I went back to college and received a Bachelors of Science from Biola University. The acronym for Biola is Bible Institute of Los Angeles; you can’t get more Christian than that! Again the Lord’s hand was working, guiding me to the right path.

My Demons

We all have them. These minions that attack our minds to cause havoc were raging in me. After our first born I discovered that I suffered from premenstrual syndrome (PMS). This meant that my entire family were affected by these erratic acts. The imbalance of my hormones made me behave irrationally with outbursts of anger that later made me suffer with great guilt. I needed help, but back in those days help was not available. While listening to a Christian radio broadcast I heard an advertisement about a natural, homeopathic method to control the PMS outbursts. My life was all overboard with two weeks of crazy and two weeks of remorse. Poor Mike got the worst of it, so when I told him about the clinic for PMS, he welcomed the idea.

PMS

It took 45 minutes to drive to Arcadia, but at this point in my distress, I would have taken a plane to Timbuktu to get help. I was given natural progesterone made with yams as the main ingredient. To my doctor this method of treatment was considered unorthodox, but I had no other alternative. I do remember that the medicine had to be refrigerated. This was over 35 years ago, and Holly Anderson’s PMS clinic is still in operation. I can testify that it helped me regain my senses and helped me to save our marriage.

Me Too

Once I got the PMS under control, I needed to take care of this women’s lib thing. While searching for God in a Protestant church, I started attending a class on “How To Become A Fascinating Woman.” Taking this class out of curiosity was the genesis of a long lesson in humility. All along I had been misguided by the women’s movement in the seventies. Taking the role of the man in our home did not work out so well. Reading the Bible and getting directions from God was not only eye opening, it was a revelation. I understood my role as a queen in our household when I got off the king’s throne. It took some time, but slowly I realized that appreciating the simple gestures of kindness reaped mountains of rewards. When Mike washed my car, I would make a concerted effort to sincerely thank him. Then he started to not only wash my car but to gas it up as well. These little acts of kindness were becoming second nature to me. Mike is the head of our household not only because he is the financial provider but because it is in the right order of God.

Be Kind

“Be kind” is an overrated phrase of the world that people use for their own narcissistic purposes. Being kind is much more than words that are spoken;  it’s performing acts with loving gestures. In our marriage, being kind has taken me to the prayer closet; there I place my heart in check before I open my mouth. It takes patience to practice kindness in a relationship, and for me it has taken years.

Pick Your Battles

We have had our share of fights, but it is usually the woman who is the first to admit being wrong. Men are not as emotionally astute as women. When a man is wounded, he tends to go inward with his emotions. We women are more vocal, expressing our animosity with greater displays of drama. Did you know that women speak 20,000 words per day, while men speak only 7,000! This is how God made us; this distinct difference makes us better equipped in the argument arena.

Never compare your husband to another man, and never nag. There is nothing worse in a marriage than a woman verbally abusing her husband, it induces pinned up anger and causes strife in any relationship.

Staying in Love

There are so many marriages that I believe could have been saved. A woman’s role is to always be supportive of her husband, to encourage him, forgive him, and to become his light. I can only speak for myself, but when I immersed myself in serving the Lord, Mike noticed a change in me. I attended church by myself for years, realizing that God calls us individually; but it bothered me that he did not have the same interest. I prayed for years for us to worship God as a couple. I pressed through, keeping the promises of God in my heart, knowing that Mike would one day accompany me. When I returned to the Catholic Church he started to attend services sporadically. Now we attend Mass together every Sunday. So, to you women who are dismayed because of your husband’s walk, keep praying; through your prayers God will bring them in.

Forgiving Spirit

I do not know who Mike voted for this past presidential election. I’m a conservative, but Mike’s not sharing my same political interest was posing a huge problem. We had many heated arguments over this until the Lord revealed to me that Mike has his reasons for his beliefs and I needed to respect them. I still suspect that he may have liberal tendencies, and I’ve learned to tone down my views to a bare minimum in order to keep peace. Nothing is worth causing this type of division because our love for each other always supersedes anything that the Enemy will toss our way.

Best Friends

We passed COVID-19 quarantine because we have definitely learned to live with all of our vices on display. Mike cooks and I clean. He protects me, and I constantly pray for him. We talk about everything: his job, my aches and pains, our kids. He offers solid advice and I always do what he suggests because he is over me. Please do not misunderstand this last statement, because I honor our marriage by allowing my husband this rightful role as the head of this household. He is my best friend; no one will ever take Mike’s place because our love is unconditional.

My Prayer:

Dear Lord, You know everything about our marriage. I pray that You will continue to bless our union. Lord, help me to be more patient with Mike, and give me special graces to get through the challenges of life. I lift up all married couples, especially those who are struggling to stay together. Lord, guide their decisions and lead them into Your loving arms. Pour out Your love on every married couple and bless them. Amen.