My Heart of the Matter

The Retreat

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The Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament
Father took this picture of us praying

In mid-April, planning began for the EWTN retreat. Originally, the intention was for sister Norma to come along — but God had other plans. There is always an attack before a great blessing, and as the trip began to unravel and the question of canceling was brought to prayer, the Lord brought Pat into the picture.

Pat

Pat and Joanne go back a long way — missionary travels to Nepal, the Holy Land, Patmos, Turkey, and other corners of this small world. Pat has been a faithful roommate on more than one occasion and a dear friend. She has a gift for laughter too. Walking through a season of change in her own life, she welcomed the opportunity to step away and spend time with the Lord.

 

Me and Pat

The flight departed from LAX, which meant Pat needed to arrive by 5:15 a.m. “I bought three different alarm clocks to make sure I’d wake up on time,” she said. Those alarm clocks would later become hilariously problematic.

While standing in line to board the second flight, Pat began searching through her duffle bag. “Do you hear that ticking?” she asked. The response was immediate — “Pat, we’re at the airport. You can’t say things like that.” Sure enough, it was one of her alarm clocks, ticking away. Later that night, after settling into the hotel, that same alarm went off at 4:00 a.m.

Fr. Leonard Mary

Fr. Leonard’s path crossed with Joanne’s in the mid-1990s through a shared Catholic lay group. At the time, he was simply Anthony — a young man who joined me in feeding the homeless on Skid Row in Los Angeles. The friendship has endured ever since. When Fr. Leonard is in town, Mike always makes dinner; chile rellenos are a favorite, and a home-cooked, authentic Mexican meal awaits him on every visit. Father was recently elected Community Servant — the title given to the Superior of his order. It is a three-year position carrying significant responsibility, including oversight of the Friars from EWTN and the cloistered nuns in Hanceville, Alabama, where the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament is located.

 

The Heart of the Trip: Prayer at the Shrine

The most important part of the trip was prayer — and pray they did. Fr. Leonard and his brother Peter drove Joanne and Pat to Hanceville for the noon Mass. While Father met with the Mother Superior, we knelt before the Blessed Sacrament and prayed. The Shrine is renowned for its tranquil beauty, and a peaceful calm rested over the space — the kind that makes it easy to believe God is answering every prayer. Prayer always brings peace. Afterward, the group drove to Cullman, a small town near Hanceville, for dinner with Ann, a dear friend whose family shares a close bond with Fr. Leonard.

The Retreat

The retreat was centered around one thing: love. Loving everyone — including those who continually cause strife. The difficult people who seem to find every opportunity to bring others down, whose passive-aggressive behavior surfaces just when forgiveness feels within reach.

This is a struggle many share. The moment comes to finally break free from a draining relationship, and the Lord tugs at the heart. One steps back in — only to discover more challenges waiting. What this retreat clarified was something long known but not yet fully lived: Christians are called to lead others to God. When the Lord places difficult people in a life, it is because He is using them to refine and deepen love.

It helps to consider the troubled person’s background — to remember that their journey toward spiritual freedom is taking many detours.

What the heart wanted to hear was: Walk away. They’re never going to change.

What was actually heard was: Be the example. Be who God called you to be — and never give up on who God has called them to be.

Honestly, it is far easier to wash one’s hands of it than to take the road of forgiveness. Because the hard truth is this: until difficult people begin their own journey toward healing, the battle continues. And battles are not rare. Some are with health. Some with children, a spouse, a sibling. The list is long and the weight is real.

Serving God is not easy — and the closer one draws to Him, the more intense the battle becomes. But this must never be forgotten: no one walks it alone. God is present at every step.

Retreat Lesson: Romans Chapter Twelve

From a young age, people are shaped by what they were taught. Not all parents are good teachers. Not all parents are good role models. This is precisely why it is necessary to look at the larger spiritual picture.

Compassion — Dying on the Cross, Jesus was willing to die for all — not only those who serve Him. He sees broken backgrounds and understands why people hate. Jesus moves in compassion and empathy. Empathy is the capacity to understand and share the feelings of another.

Mercy — Mercy, understanding, truth, and firmness are part of the healing that makes a person whole. To fully understand the needs of others, one must first pursue wholeness — and here, wholeness means spiritual wholeness: the ongoing, lifelong work of becoming more Christ-like.

The starting point for loving others is Jesus — the One who loves first. When the love the Father has for His children is truly understood, it becomes possible to extend that love outward. What is received is what can be given. Those who carry the love of God give it freely; those with hardened hearts find themselves unable to give what they do not yet possess.

Receiving the Sacrament of Communion unites the faithful with Christ so that growth in love becomes possible. Mary’s intercession is sought in this — she who, above all others, knew how to express the love of God, and who always points toward her Son. The bond Mary shared with Jesus is unbreakable, and her mediation remains a gift for every soul who asks.

Pat and I were able to attend two additional 7:00 a.m. Masses at the EWTN chapel.

 

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