My prayers are efficacious for many, but lately I have added my own spiritual needs. In doing this, many revelations have come to pass. It’s been almost six years since my hammer toe surgery; so after ruining several pairs of shoes and cursing the doctor who caused my botched toe surgery, I had succumbed to the notion that this was my lot in life.
Tripping and Falling
My right foot was a mess because it no longer functioned properly. When I was referred to foot therapy I thought for sure this would improve my walking. It did not. As time passed, the problem worsened because I was compensating for the botched toe surgery. The tripping and falling continued and my right shoe would wear out much faster than the left.
A few Christmases ago Sonja decided that I needed special tennis shoes to help me avoid my imminent falls. I tried the shoes, but my right foot felt incarcerated. You see, I, on my own, made allowances to protect myself from falling. One of the most distressing decisions training my toes to curl under to prevent a fall. This further complicated my condition because this added a limp to my walk.
Walking is my favorite exercise and I was not giving this up. Since I believed the tennis shoes were the cause of my problem, I thought purchasing the most unfashionable Ecco sandals would solve the world’s foot problems. They were wonderful because even though sometimes I’d trip, these shoes were safer because the strap wrapped securely around my toes, forcing them to become somewhat normal. When winter rolled around, I’d add socks to the sandals, which made my feet look as if I was living in a third world country. I am on my third pair of these shoes. Thank the good Lord that style and colors have been added to the comfortable shoes.
Barefoot Epiphany
I could never walk barefoot because this would create a bigger impediment: the toes on my right foot would immediately go into the protective mode of curling under like a claw. The other night I had forgotten to lock the door to the laundry room. Mike was in a deep slumber and I was too tired to get my slippers, so for the first time in years I walked barefoot. Something very unusual happened: I looked down at my feet and felt a strong urge and heard an inner voice saying, “Follow the lead of your left foot.” “What?” I questioned this voice but again I heard, “Follow the lead of your left foot.” I did this, and for those few minutes that it took to walk down stairs and up again, all of my toes were in perfect harmony!
The following morning I thought that it was a dream, but when I started walking barefoot I clearly noticed that my right foot was in sync with my left foot. I quickly shared the news with Mike, he replied, “So it was all in your head all along?”
All In My Head?
Did I create this deformity in my mind? That very well may be the case because after giving up on foot therapy, and believing it was a botched surgery, that is the logical assumption. As days have passed, clearly the foot problem has improved by about 50%. The only reason it’s not at 100% is because sometimes my foot will go the way I trained it. Walking barefoot has helped tremendously, but when I wear shoes my foot has the tendency to revert to the old habit. I’m trusting God for a total healing.
Answered Prayer
Why am I writing about something so trivial? Because I want to relay a very profound and important message: God is in the healing business, and we need to trust Him for all of our needs. I did not think this matter was important enough for God to answer my prayer. I created this conundrum. In spite of all the complaining, with every missed fall I failed to turn this problem over to our Heavenly Father.
Our parish has several steps to the altar, so as a Eucharistic Minister, on a daily basis, it is necessary to walk up and down these steps. After experiencing many near-tripping incidents, I started to pray: “Lord, guide my every step.” This was the first indication of my healing and recognizing that God’s hand was on this situation all along. But how did I miss the mark by not realizing this sooner?
Missing The Mark
There were three reasons why I missed my healing:
1. Complaining superseded prayer;
2. Not surrendering the problem to God sooner; and
3. Repeating to myself and to others that it was caused by the botched surgery.
All three of these reasons led to defeat. Once you’re defeated the battle is over. I forgot that the battle belongs to the Lord!
At one time or another we will all experience spiritual battles. Any well trained soldier knows that you cannot go into the battlefield without being prepared. When repeating words of defeat, you’ve set yourself up for failure. I was like the 12 scouts in the Book of Numbers (Num 13:33; Num 14:2-4) “Why did I get this surgery? I was better off without it!” The Israelites wanted to appoint a new leader to lead them back to Egypt instead of receiving the blessing God had for them in the Promised Land. I was doing the same thing by declaring defeat before the blessing.
My Prayer
Dear Lord, thank You for allowing me to enter into the Promised Land. I repent of all the negative self-talk about my foot surgery. Lord, I pray for all who are blaming others for their mishaps, including myself. I pray for all those who are in the midst of their battles fighting cancer and other serious medical diseases. Jesus, be at their side and remove any fear. Lead them to the Promised Land of healing. Amen.