The Santa Barbara House Fire
My Husband, the Tortillero
My husband Mike is a tortillero, which means he has spent his entire life in the tortilla business. For years, we owned a mid-size tortilla factory with over 150 employees. I served as the head of Human Resources — a part-time role that allowed me to balance work with our family’s needs. Because HR required wearing many hats, I also oversaw all Workers’ Compensation matters. Several times a year, I attended mandatory conferences to stay current with ever-changing laws.
Anaheim Convention Center Conference
The conference was an all-day event featuring executives from various insurance sectors speaking on workplace safety and injury prevention. I remember signing up for the sessions on litigation because that year we had dealt with two frivolous, related claims.
Our daughter was a junior in high school, living the life of a carefree teenager. During the lunch break, I called Sonja. There were no cell phones at the time, so I waited my turn at a pay phone.
Just an Ordinary Day for Sonja
Sonja answered the phone, but the conversation took so many turns that I had forgotten why I called. “Are you and Dad going to give me a summer job? If you are, I can only work part-time. I need a couple of days off during the week so I can go to the beach.” That was just one stop on her roller coaster of a conversation.
Sonja went on to talk about her winter formal dress. “When can we go shopping? I need shoes to match — and they have to be perfect. If we can’t find the right color, I guess we can buy white satin ones and have them dyed.” By this point, I was out of breath.
Then came the part I could not believe. “By the way, your son called. He said the house in Santa Barbara burned down.”
Now I was speechless.
“Wait — wait! Can you repeat that? What are you talking about?” I yelled.
Sonja repeated it: the house in Santa Barbara had burned down.
I could not breathe. I called Mike — and he could not breathe either.
Was Mikos all right? He and his roommate had been living in the house at the time. Mikos had already reached Mike, who was on his way to a meeting with Alpha Beta, a large grocery chain. After the meeting, Mike immediately called Mikos.
“Are you okay? Did anyone get hurt?”
Mikos was shaken but answered that both he and his roommate Rick were fine.
Mikos’ Story
Mikos was a junior at Westmont College. Rather than staying for chapel, he would head home between classes to cook breakfast. His roommate Rick had just broken up with his girlfriend and was feeling melancholy, so he lit a candle in his room and then jumped into the shower.
While Mikos was frying bacon, he noticed smoke drifting in from the backyard. Rick’s room was a converted garage. Mikos’ first thought was that Rick must be shaking out a floor rug. Then he remembered — Rick was in the shower.
Mikos went out through the kitchen door to investigate. As he approached Rick’s room, he realized it was on fire. He ran back inside to tell Rick. Another friend, James, happened to be visiting. Mikos shouted for James to call 911, then ran back outside to assess the fire.
James could not find the cordless phone — and did what he decided was best for himself. He grabbed his backpack and his skateboard, jumped out a bedroom window, and rode off into the sunset.
Meanwhile, Mikos was frantically searching for the phone. He found it buried in the couch, called 911, and ran back outside with a garden hose to fight the flames. Anyone who has lived in Santa Barbara knows the water pressure in that city leaves much to be desired. Seeing that the fire was beyond his control, Mikos ran back inside to try to salvage whatever he could before the firefighters arrived and quickly put out the blaze.
The fire chief questioned both Mikos and Rick — asking whether they had argued, or whether one of them had started dating the other’s girlfriend. They were both rattled enough to tell the truth. That is, until one of the firefighters emerged holding a sock. The young firefighter pulled Mikos aside and produced a stash of marijuana from inside it.
“Is this yours?” he asked.
“I’ve never seen that — no, it’s not mine,” Mikos replied nervously.
The firefighter looked at him and said, “Well then, we won’t be reporting this to the police.”
He carefully tucked the marijuana back into the sock and slipped it into his jacket. Just like that, he had helped himself to a free score — from two shaken, traumatized college kids.
Fire and Rain
Sonja was partly right — half of the house had been damaged. Mike arrived the following morning to meet with the insurance adjuster, and we were frustrated by what followed. The insurance company agreed to pay only for the portion of the roof that had been damaged and would replace windows on just half of the house. Since the kitchen and bathroom were still functioning, they considered the home livable.
Then came one of the greatest rainstorms in the history of Santa Barbara.
No plastic tarp could hold back the torrential rain from causing further damage to the already battered cottage. Mikos said that every night during the storm he had to climb onto the roof to re-staple the tarp over the gaping hole left by the fire. He was worried the ceiling would cave in — the roof of his room had swollen with water. He would call to complain, but there was nothing we could do. Mikos was finally growing up and, quite literally, worrying about the roof over his head.
Because the fire had occurred just days before the storm, we now had to file two separate insurance claims. It was an uphill battle, but we finally got everything resolved. From start to finish, it took six months to get the Santa Barbara house back in order.
Mikos and Rick quickly befriended the construction workers — a new kind of fraternity, with its own fringe benefits: fresh drinking buddies. Mikos claimed that once the work was complete, they threw the best party in the history of Westmont College. James was in attendance.
Our Santa Barbara home
Our Kids
This is why I could only work part-time: our kids were still keeping us on our toes. On the bright side, our daughter Sonja was always on the honor roll and is one of the most responsible adults I know. Perhaps we spoiled her, but in the end she has built a wonderful, productive life alongside her husband Russ and their two sons.
Looking back at Mikos’ journey, I will say that he required a few more prayers than Sonja did. I am happy to report that all of his life experiences have shaped him into a conscientious, grounded young man. He is a wonderful husband to Jenny and a devoted father of two.
This is why I could only work part-time: our kids were still driving us crazy. On the up side, I can honestly report that our daughter Sonja was always on the honor role and is one of the most responsible adults that I know. Perhaps we spoiled her but in the end she has learned to live a wonderful, productive life with her two sons and husband Russ. Looking back at Mikos’ life, I would say that I had to pray for him a little more than for Sonja. I’m happy to report that all his life experiences have caused him to become a conscientious young man. He is a great husband to Jenny and father of two.
Don’t Worry…Learn to Pray
We had the means to rescue Mikos and set him up in a hotel while the house was under construction, but we chose not to. When Sonja began working during college, we stepped back from most of her personal financial support as well. We made these decisions because we believed our children needed to learn to fend for themselves. This season also marked my entry into the world of effectual prayer and learning to trust God. I dove in and never came out.
Santa Barbara Cottage
We still own our little home in Santa Barbara, located a block and a half from Ledbetter Beach. It has been a solid investment over the years. We often talk about taking it over and turning it into a vacation home, but life keeps us too busy for that kind of commitment. In the meantime, a wonderful family of four has been caring for the home responsibly for over 18 years.
For that, I thank God.
Hadassah and Her Two Chicks
IMG_3829We are so excited to announce the arrival of Hadassah’s two chicks. I named them Malachi and Judith (Judy for short). It was an amazing experience to be part of these hummingbird’s creation. I thank the Lord for this wonderful gift! Enjoy the video.
A Mother’s Two Sense
The tree trimmers were set to come on Tuesday to prepare our house for painting. Long before the COVID-19 hit, Mike and I had already picked out colors for the exterior; but when the world changed, we stopped dead in our tracks. Now we have another concern, so we’ve have postponed painting the house once again. Since the stay-at-home order, we have been having breakfast, lunch and dinner at home. In late April, while we were having breakfast, Mike noticed a hummingbird sitting in her nest. Just a few feet away from our patio door, the little bird carefully wove the smallest nest in our bougainvillea. Believe me, this was one of the most exciting events we witnessed during this shut in!
Hadassah
I named her Hadassah, and from a careful distance I took several pictures of the soon-to-be mother. Mike rescheduled the house painting but forgot about Hadassah. The tree trimmer showed up during our dinner (we eat early). I had just swallowed a bite of my dinner when I looked out the kitchen window and saw Mike motioning to the tree trimmers about the bougainvillea. I waited until the tree guy left and explained to Mike that we could not allow the hummingbird’s nest to be destroyed. We changed all our plans because this little mama was going to hatch some tiny mini-hummingbirds. I was delighted that Mike agreed to protect the mama bird.
Two
As a mother of two grown adults, I will drop everything if my kids need me. I am constantly praying for my family and they both know they can come to me, especially for spiritual guidance. Of course by that I mean in a Christian sense, with God as my guide. Whenever they have something heavy on their hearts, I direct them to the Bible for answers. I no longer take the initiative and give definite answers without praying first. I’m very guarded about this because I have learned the hard way. If you respond, without prayer guidance, and if it does not workout you deserve the blame. Mothers have a burden for their children, no matter what age they are; we are spiritually connected to them forever. The Holy Spirit always reveals to us moms when or kids are hurting.
The Spiritual Bond
A mother is spiritually connected to her children for the rest of their lives. I don’t care how old your child is, you will always have that bond. I was never an overprotective “helicopter mom” because both of our children were too strong-willed to put up with that behavior. I had to use the back roads to find out what our kids were up to. One of my famous tactics was to snoop in their rooms. If they were up to no good, I was going to find out. This was the time that I was vacillating from one Christian church to another. I felt that I was being led by God. Boy, was I wrong about that! During this time I had to learn to trust God and pray. Sometimes I not only prayed up a storm but a hurricane. That’s all I knew to do. God was slowly developing me into a matriarch and my backbone was finally being formed.
Prayer Warrior
I became a prayer warrior. Two things happen when your kids go sideways: 1. You go into battle for them; and 2. you give in and watch them fall into the abyss of life. When a mother prays, things happen in the atmosphere. Her prayers reach the throne of God. It’s the bond that connects a mother and child because the mother will forever pray for that child. When a mother prays, she does not look at the situation as the world does; but she sees her child whole. Saint Monica never stopped praying for her son St. Augustine. He would never have become one of the greatest bishops, let alone a saint in the Roman Catholic Church. God has a plan for all of our children, and a mother’s job is to pray it through (Jeremiah 1:5). Our work is never complete because they will always need our prayers. I thank God that He directed us to the proper therapist to help us with our kids because I needed help as well. These actions were all led by prayer.
Helicopter Moms
Helicopter moms are well-meaning, but they do not understand the damage they are causing. Forcing your kids to join clubs so that it will look good on transcripts is not teaching your child to be a volunteer. Teach your child to love God first and everything else will fall into place. For years we made sandwiches for Skid Row in my home. A young man helped out just one time, but it was one of the few times I took a photograph. Years later I posted the photo on Facebook. By this time the young man was filling out college applications, so his mother called me and wanted me to state that he was a regular volunteer. I told her that I would not lie, but clearly she could. Helicopter moms take drastic measures to see that their kids don’t miss out. They push their kids to the edge of a high cliff and wonder why they fall. Look at the mess those Hollywood parents got themselves into. They got caught, but I guarantee there are other parents who are still using back doors to get their kids into the finest colleges. It never pays to lie. One thing will always remain true: lies are always exposed, and the truth still sets us free.
Grandma’s Role
Grandmothers are seasoned mothers. When our children get married, we must cut the cord. The Bible does not say that a mother and child become one, but it does state that a husband and wife become one. We may not always agree about how our grandchildren are being raised, but my advice is to leave the parenting to the parents (I’m still learning that). Mike has kept me from so many confrontations with our grown children about their parenting. He is my filter. Many times I have said, “Can you believe your son/daughter?” Mike’s words are always the same, “Leave it alone.” He’s right. I want to become the grandmother who leaves behind the legacy of a prayer warrior. I want my grandchildren to understand that they, too, are part of my everyday prayers. Part of my raison d’être in life is to pray for my family. I am a normal mom who loves her family. Hadassah loves her family too.
Mother’s Day Prayer
Dear Lord, We pray for all mothers. May we always praise and thank you for the gift of motherhood. We were chosen by You to become parents, may we never cause strife between our children. Lord keep peace in our families. I pray for families who are not in speaking terms, heal their broken hearts and make them whole once again. Even though it may not be a mothers fault, allow her to offer peace by apologizing. One kind act of love covers much pain. Amen.