We Catholics are still in the midst of celebrating Easter. Yes, this is our longest liturgical season, lasting 50 days. Our readings have been from the first chapters of The Acts of the Apostles. This has always been one of my favorite books. If you are not familiar with the four Gospels, Acts may be challenging to follow. After the Ascension of Christ, Peter became the leader of the twelve apostles. He was a miracle worker who became a seasoned spokesman for the Christian community.

Simon Peter

Peter, also known as Simon Peter, was not always this holy depiction of Christianity. The Lord knew that Peter would deny Him not once but three times. The Lord also knew that Peter needed to be restored because of his cowardice. This is the reason Jesus questioned Peter about his love for Him.

I have been serving the Lord for most of my adult life. When I pray, sometimes I have doubts; at times I fall into a spirit of unbelief. Of course I dig my way out of this through prayer. Peter was an ordinary man as were the rest of Jesus’ apostles. God chose them because He believed in them. Our Lord knows when we are insecure and filled with doubt. Remember it was Peter who walked on the water, but as soon as he took his eyes off of Jesus he fell. As soon as we take our eyes off of Jesus, we, too, will fall. In Peter’s case Jesus was there to help him up. In our real-life situations, Jesus will be there to catch us. Sometimes it’s a simple loss of footing, but at other times we fall on our faces, causing spiritual injury to ourselves. Peter was headstrong and knew that through every testing he was being refined.

Matthew 18:21-22   New American Bible (Revised Edition)

God gave us a sound mind with a clear conscience. When we decide to step out of that zone and fall into sin, our conscience is clouded with justifications to convince us that the darkness we are about to enter has merit. Remember that old image of the Devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other? Once you give in to the Devil, your conscience is seared and you are no longer listening to the voice of reason. This type of behavior may involve substance abuse or deep-seated anger, which brings out a whole new animal. The Enemy fills your mind with warped power and gives you strength to hurt others; but you hurt yourself even more.

One of life’s lessons I’ve learned is to walk away from situations that are not my responsibility. I’ve come to realized that God will not use me to dissuade another person’s mind or situation. As much as we want to be loved by everyone, there will always be people who, for whatever reason, will not want to associate with us. Sometimes these persons are in your family. I have found that when communicating with these individuals via phone or text, the feeling of regret and piled up collateral grief keeps me hostage to their great disdain for me. So I decided that no longer will I give the Enemy the upper hand in this manner. My prayer has been constant: I’ve been asking God to help me love and accept them without having to deal with their years of weighty drama and hate. This simple prayer is helping me release the burden of guilt.

The Enemy loves to remind us that we are Christians and to criticize our behavior. A perfect example of this is an experience I had at the local Target. A man was outside the store with a huge sign of a picture of his dog. Apparently the dog was picked up by the pound, and he needed money to free  his beloved pet from being put down. This situation tugged at my heart, so I gave him the little cash I had in my purse. Three dollars was not going to get his dog out of the pound, but I wanted to help. As I handed the man the money, I said,”I truly hope you’re going to use the money for your dog.” Then all hell broke loose. The man’s tone changed, and he started shouting at me and accusing me of lying. Under normal circumstances, I would have ignored the stranger but not this time. “Take your stupid money back!” he yelled. With that I replied “Fine!” The angry man threw the money back at me, and as I picked it up I turned and walked away. From the top of his lungs he yelled out at me, “You’re a Christian, aren’t you?” His diabolical voice sent chills down my spine, but I never gave him the satisfaction of acknowledging his angry words.

How Unforgiveness Controls the Spirit

Have you ever wondered why some of our prayers are never answered? You pray, plead with God, wait, but still no reply. For years you’ve suffered the same fate, but have not understood the things that hold you back. Unforgiveness is the key to many of our unanswered prayers. Unforgiveness is characteristic of the Devil; once the seed is firmly planted in your brain, it sends waves of hatred, holding you captive by the pain. It’s a psychological stage four cancer; the emotional pain is all we think about. In reality unforgiveness has also been known to cause many illnesses.

“There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed,” says Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital. Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health.”

Unforgiveness keeps us from the intimacy of drawing closer to God. As I was walking my grand-dog the other night, I received a text message requesting prayer from a former congregant. As I read the text, it triggered a feeling of animosity. This person (I’ll refer to her as Judy) because of her awkward personality she rarely got along with anyone in the ministry. She thought herself holier than the rest of us. Personally I did not care for her, and receiving this message aggravated my spirit so much that I did not want to pray for her. I caught myself in the act of unforgiveness. Did Judy bring on these feelings of anger, or was it something from my past that I had not dealt with? I have not seen this person in 15 years, yet she was still upsetting me! Why?

Unresolved Past

How hypocritical of me attempting to school others on unforgiveness when, in reality, I have the same concern. These sensitive, push-button issues are surfacing because I never resolved them correctly. I allowed my thoughts to get the best of me, and this is exactly what happened after receiving this text message. My mind went back to all the reasons why this person was not friendworthy. My self-talk rationalized: “Man, I don’t want to pray for her. I was not the problem, no one really cared for her, besides I’m likable.” The real problem is that she had the same mannerisms and spirit of someone  I did not get along with, so I neatly placed her in the same category of people I don’t want to associate with. God does not ask us to like everyone; He goes much deeper than that. He wants us to love everyone! This dilemma has brought me to a new level of spirituality, I must learn to love people who are not lovable! And one more thing about my self-talk: God heard every arrogant word and still loves me, but He also loves Judy just as much; in God’s eyes we are equal.

The Unforgiveness of Cancel Culture

Our society is suffering from historical unforgiveness.  Cancel Culture is projecting and, at times, inventing things from the past that have emotionally traumatized their ancestors. This is more of a curse that is flowing through their bloodline. They can’t seem to get past anything and are eroding our society with their great wave of destruction. They want to change history to better suit their purposes.  I could not believe Michelle Obama’s brother, Craig Robinson, and his wife Kelly made the national news because they are suing the prestigious private school that their children were attending. Because the school was using “repeated” racial words like plantation? This is how ridiculous Cancel Culture has become.

My Prayer

Dear Lord, thank You for the great epiphany of my unforgiveness. Give me the grace to be more loving and forgiving. I pray for Judy to continue in her work of producing Christian programming, and that many will be touched. Lord, I realize that I cannot change who Judy is but, through Your Divine Mercy, help me to love her as You do. Teach me to operate with a sincere heart toward those You place in my path. And to those of us who are harboring years of unforgiveness, heal us! Amen.

Matthew 5:4  New American Bible (Revised Edition)

Attending a celebration of life sounds a lot better than attending a funeral. That’s what we did earlier this month. We flew to Minnesota to be at Jenny, our daughter-in-law’s  side. It was very important that Mike and I  support her family as well in the celebration of the life of Jenny’s sister Amy. Amy was called home to be with the Lord at the age of 54; she suffered a short bout with lung cancer. This is the part of life that I struggle with; she was so young to die. Sadly, I also understand that God is in control. Long before Amy’s illness occurred, she and her husband Bob planned a trip traveling the Great Loop. The Great Loop is a 6,000-mile trip encompassing the eastern half of North America. This trip entails following a circular route that includes the Great Lakes, the Illinois River, the Mississippi River, the Gulf of Mexico, Chesapeake Bay and the Eastern Seaboard. No doubt this would be the adventure of a lifetime.

Life’s Great Loop

When Jenny shared with me that Amy and Bob were going to travel the Great Loop, I thought it was crazy that they would be living on a boat for such a long time. These were my thoughts because I knew nothing about boating whatsoever. I also did not know that this adventure included overnight stops at quaint seaport villages and meeting other “Loopers” along the way.

Only God knows the plans He has for us, and for Amy and Bob it was to have them experience this as a couple, working together to complete their journey. It takes a lot of planning for a trip like this. Both Amy and Bob had to prepare for this long journey. They had to map out where they were going to gas up their boat. They had to worry about the water surges, the fog and other inclement weather conditions. The Lord knew the fate  Amy would have once she completed this trip of a lifetime. How gracious is our Lord to allow Amy and Bob to experience this wonderful adventure together. The trip started in September and ended in mid-June.  These stats are from her travel blog:

– Miles traveled = 6,336

– Gallons of gas used = 6,494

– Number of days until crossing our wake = 283 days

– Number of days in marinas = 232

– Number of days at anchor or on free walls = 51

We all need to plan for our life’s’ journey. We need to map out our future, knowing that it’s not always going to be easy sailing. When the fog rolls in, we need to learn how to carefully navigate around it or wait for it to lift. When we feel the water over our heads, we need to swim to shallow waters, and we always need to be prepared with refueling. Spiritually, refueling is spending time in prayer. We do not know when we will be called home, so we should always be prepared. Amy was prepared because at her beautiful service she left a letter to her family, assuring them that she would see them again. As difficult and sweet as her words were, it brought great assurance to my heart that her passing was part of God’s plan. The fact that there was an overflow room at her service was clear evidence of the impact she had on others.

Minnesota, the Land of 10,000 Lakes

Minnesota does not look good in the spring. We had traveled there during the summer when we were surrounded by lush greenery everywhere. Not this time; the trees were bare, and the grass was still recovering from the winter snow. I did not see one bloom, but I know that this will all change in a few weeks. The change of season set the mood for the sadness we were all experiencing.

I never quite understood how most people who live there have no fencing; it troubles me that the property boundaries are not visible. Jenny’s family seems to be perfectly fine with this unusual backyard arrangement.  Our neighborhood, is closed in; I don’t want my neighbors to see into my backyard because I enjoy my privacy.  Minnesotans are a lot friendlier than Californians. Mike and I felt the warmth of these people who know what it’s like to experience really cold weather. I was freezing the entire time with temperatures in the low 40’s; we have those temperatures in  our winters!

From our hotel we had a view of Lucky’s Pub, which I thought was a local bar. We ended up having the greatest lunch of walleye fingers and bang bang shrimp while playing two rounds of bingo. During our lunch, families played bingo and enjoyed their meals; but mostly I noticed their interaction without cell phones. They were too busy stamping out the bingo cards. I loved the slow pace, and at every corner there’s a body of water.

Jenny’s Family

From the first day we met, I really liked Jenny’s family. Jenny’s Mom, Jeanne, and I have a lot in common. I love that we do not hold back on our thoughts. I wanted to be there especially for Jeanne because, as a mother, I cannot imagine what heartbreak she is going through. As parents we are there to be supportive to our children; both Jeanne and Mick , Jenny’s dad, were always there for Amy. Jenny comes from a close, loving family and her roots have become my son’s roots as well. Mikos is just as much a part of their family as Jenny. I witnessed the love they have for Mikos.  Jenny’s brother Mike and his wife Jen own a home with so many rooms that storage was unbelievable. I coveted the full basement! It has two bedrooms and a full bath, plus a bar with a huge living area and storage room for a refrigerator and freezer. They need the freezer to store all the venison because they are hunters. I thought perhaps they have Viking blood running through their veins. We get all our meat, fish and poultry from Sam’s Club and Costco, the only hunting we do is for a good bargain.

Overall we were welcomed with great love, and it was a pleasure to spend this special time with Jenny’s family. Amy was indeed blessed and loved by her family, and she will be greatly missed.

My Prayer 

Dear Lord, I lift up Jenny’s family and all the pain that they are going through. I pray that as each day passes the pain of Amy’s loss will turn into joyful memories. Lord, bring comfort to them in knowing that Amy is in Your loving arms. Thank You for this beautiful family. May they continue to support one another and remain close to each other. Heal the broken hearts of her husband Bob and her children Rachel and Andrew. Let them rest in You, knowing that Amy is now free of her pain. Amen.