A Life Without God

With the Son’s light and Mary at my back, a vision of peace

I cannot imagine my life without God.

Chasing The Almighty Dollar

Without God in your life to navigate your future, you will never attain a sense of joy. All your accomplishments will be the result of self-reliance. And as you reach for the top, you will most likely be alone. Without God you can live a productive life and purchase material things that make you happy; but soon the emptiness creeps back into your heart.  You want more, so your search continues. I have seen this spirit of loss in souls unfold in many who do not fully understand who God is. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE PEACE WITHOUT THE ONE TRUE GOD IN YOUR HEART.

Leaving God Behind

I can only speak from my personal experiences. I have always believed in God, but there was a time in my life that I drifted into a world of chaos. You see, I am a Baby Boomer who  participated in protests against the war in Viet Nam. Though I did not know much about why we were at war, I had reason because my brother Mike was fighting on the frontlines. It was a popular trend to take part in this radical movement even in our small town in San Bernardino County. We wanted to be heard. I had stepped away from God’s light and had become this strange, lost creature. Anger was a key element and these protests were a litmus test for me to move into greater, more organized radical groups like MECHA. MECHA (Movimento Estudiantil Chicana/o de Aztlan) was the Latino version of the Black Panther movement. Beside from this, I was all caught up in the new feminist movement.

The protests that are going on today are fueled by Social Media and many misguided news organizations. These people operate in hate and anger; you can see it on their faces and hear it in their voices. We had no phones, no Social Media, so our protests were, for the most part, peaceful.

Our soul searching days

Slowly things started to change when I fell in love and married my husband Mike. Mike tolerated my free-spirited behavior, but that soon came to an end when our son Mikos was born.

No Direction

Both Mike and I were poorly catechized cradle Catholics. My only remembrance of attending Mass was the great feeling of joy after receiving communion. We rarely attended Mass because we were too busy with life, too busy to make God a priority. I cannot recall the big turning point or if there was one at all, but I needed something to fill the void in my soul. It was that dreadful feeling of wanting God but not really knowing how to call on Him. I suffered from a deep depression that came in waves during my menstrual cycle. Back in the day this disorder was referred to as PMS (Premenstrual Syndrome).

The Demons

I could not control my anger, and it was usually towards people that I loved. During this time of my sad little life, I was happy one week out of the month.  The other three weeks I spent apologizing for my bad behavior. This emotional/physical imbalance was taking a toll on my life, but there was also a spirit of uncontrolled rage that would take over my being. I needed help. A hysterectomy was out of the question because I was too young, so I researched and found a homeopathic clinic that specialized in this disorder. Though I never felt God during these outbursts, He was there. With the proper medication I was able to control my emotions. This cleared the way for me to continue my search for God.

I Found Him

Years ago there was a clever slogan on billboards all up and down  freeways that read, “I found Him!” They found Jesus, and  I found Him too! I was transformed into a Bible-bearing Christian who was going to convert the world. Jesus pulled me out of depression and changed the trajectory of my life. I finally found my purpose. I cannot express the joy I have in my heart and the knowledge of truly operating in a peace that surpasses all understanding. (Phil 4:7)  I praise Him every day for this.

The Lone Journey

I wanted Mike to join me in my newly found love of Jesus, but he was not having it. Even though we are one in the spirit as a married couple, my calling was too strong to contain or to wait for Mike.  The passion and desire to devour the Word of God became my main goal in life. I cannot tell you how many Christian churches I attended to feed this deep craving, but none of these churches were Catholic. A seed of deception was planted into my heart about the Catholic Church. You can read about it in my Blog titled: Why “My Catholic Roots.”                                                        .

Sometimes I would cry all the way to the services because Mike did not want to attend with me. I continued to grow, but it was a lonely road without Mike. I’d ask, “Why won’t you come with me?” He would answer, “Because I don’t want to attend a service that’s four hours long!” Sometimes the services lasted longer than four hours, which meant I was spending a lot of time away from home. It took years for Mike to attend church with me, but now he is at my side every Sunday.

Coming Home

Once we found our way back home to the Catholic church there was no turning back. Mike loves to attend the early service, and I love that he is at my side. I knew that I was going to leave the ministry that I had been a part of for so many years, but I wanted to continue to teach the Word of God; so I signed up for classes at our local diocese to teach adult catechism. I will never stop spreading the Word of God!

My Prayer

Dear Lord, where would I be without You in my life? I cherish everything around me because of Your abundant love. I pray for all who are living a life without You to come to Your Supper. Jesus, in this world of lost souls and misguided youth, bring them into Your sheepfold, where they will find rest. Remove anger and reveal truth to this lost generation of ours. Amen.

Related Posts