A Life Without God

With the Son’s light and Mary at my back, a vision of peace

I cannot imagine my life without God.

Chasing The Almighty Dollar

Without God in your life to navigate your future, you will never attain a sense of joy. All your accomplishments will be the result of self-reliance. And as you reach for the top, you will most likely be alone. Without God you can live a productive life and purchase material things that make you happy; but soon the emptiness creeps back into your heart.  You want more, so your search continues. I have seen this spirit of loss in souls unfold in many who do not fully understand who God is. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE PEACE WITHOUT THE ONE TRUE GOD IN YOUR HEART.

Leaving God Behind

I can only speak from my personal experiences. I have always believed in God, but there was a time in my life that I drifted into a world of chaos. You see, I am a Baby Boomer who  participated in protests against the war in Viet Nam. Though I did not know much about why we were at war, I had reason because my brother Mike was fighting on the frontlines. It was a popular trend to take part in this radical movement even in our small town in San Bernardino County. We wanted to be heard. I had stepped away from God’s light and had become this strange, lost creature. Anger was a key element and these protests were a litmus test for me to move into greater, more organized radical groups like MECHA. MECHA (Movimento Estudiantil Chicana/o de Aztlan) was the Latino version of the Black Panther movement. Beside from this, I was all caught up in the new feminist movement.

The protests that are going on today are fueled by Social Media and many misguided news organizations. These people operate in hate and anger; you can see it on their faces and hear it in their voices. We had no phones, no Social Media, so our protests were, for the most part, peaceful.

Our soul searching days

Slowly things started to change when I fell in love and married my husband Mike. Mike tolerated my free-spirited behavior, but that soon came to an end when our son Mikos was born.

No Direction

Both Mike and I were poorly catechized cradle Catholics. My only remembrance of attending Mass was the great feeling of joy after receiving communion. We rarely attended Mass because we were too busy with life, too busy to make God a priority. I cannot recall the big turning point or if there was one at all, but I needed something to fill the void in my soul. It was that dreadful feeling of wanting God but not really knowing how to call on Him. I suffered from a deep depression that came in waves during my menstrual cycle. Back in the day this disorder was referred to as PMS (Premenstrual Syndrome).

The Demons

I could not control my anger, and it was usually towards people that I loved. During this time of my sad little life, I was happy one week out of the month.  The other three weeks I spent apologizing for my bad behavior. This emotional/physical imbalance was taking a toll on my life, but there was also a spirit of uncontrolled rage that would take over my being. I needed help. A hysterectomy was out of the question because I was too young, so I researched and found a homeopathic clinic that specialized in this disorder. Though I never felt God during these outbursts, He was there. With the proper medication I was able to control my emotions. This cleared the way for me to continue my search for God.

I Found Him

Years ago there was a clever slogan on billboards all up and down  freeways that read, “I found Him!” They found Jesus, and  I found Him too! I was transformed into a Bible-bearing Christian who was going to convert the world. Jesus pulled me out of depression and changed the trajectory of my life. I finally found my purpose. I cannot express the joy I have in my heart and the knowledge of truly operating in a peace that surpasses all understanding. (Phil 4:7)  I praise Him every day for this.

The Lone Journey

I wanted Mike to join me in my newly found love of Jesus, but he was not having it. Even though we are one in the spirit as a married couple, my calling was too strong to contain or to wait for Mike.  The passion and desire to devour the Word of God became my main goal in life. I cannot tell you how many Christian churches I attended to feed this deep craving, but none of these churches were Catholic. A seed of deception was planted into my heart about the Catholic Church. You can read about it in my Blog titled: Why “My Catholic Roots.”                                                        .

Sometimes I would cry all the way to the services because Mike did not want to attend with me. I continued to grow, but it was a lonely road without Mike. I’d ask, “Why won’t you come with me?” He would answer, “Because I don’t want to attend a service that’s four hours long!” Sometimes the services lasted longer than four hours, which meant I was spending a lot of time away from home. It took years for Mike to attend church with me, but now he is at my side every Sunday.

Coming Home

Once we found our way back home to the Catholic church there was no turning back. Mike loves to attend the early service, and I love that he is at my side. I knew that I was going to leave the ministry that I had been a part of for so many years, but I wanted to continue to teach the Word of God; so I signed up for classes at our local diocese to teach adult catechism. I will never stop spreading the Word of God!

My Prayer

Dear Lord, where would I be without You in my life? I cherish everything around me because of Your abundant love. I pray for all who are living a life without You to come to Your Supper. Jesus, in this world of lost souls and misguided youth, bring them into Your sheepfold, where they will find rest. Remove anger and reveal truth to this lost generation of ours. Amen.

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In Search Of Holiness

We all, at one time or another, question our faith. The desire to become holier has made me aware of how tangled I have become with the things of this world. I had a short, interesting dream Sunday morning that helped me discern why.

I have mentioned in past blogs how the Lord instructs me in dreams. In this particular dream I was boarding a large, convertible bus. I yelled for one of my friends to join me, “Come on, jump on!” My friend was uncertain and said, “No, I can’t.” Again I extended my hand and repeated, “Come on, I’ll help you!” But it was too late, the bus was moving. On the bus was a prophet who was going to give me a prophetic word. As she approached me, she placed her hands over my head and said, “You are filled with faith, but you have an infection that is keeping you from getting closer to God.”

That is all I can remember about this dream. I was distressed because I knew it was a warning dream.

 

The path

The Interpretation Of The Dream

I am going in the right direction with the right people, but something is holding me back. It’s my dreaded cell phone! This has become a hindrance to my spiritual  growth. And this dream was a short reminder to redirect me onto the right path.

 

Saint Padre Pio of Pietrelcina

Padre Pio (Saint Pio of Pietrelcina)

I was listening to the Hallow app about Padre Pio. He was a Capuchin priest who lived in San Giovanni Rotondo.  This priest exuded holiness; his Masses would last more than two hours. After Mass he heard confessions for 16 hours, with only a short break for lunch. If you were brave enough to confess your sins to this saint, you had  better not leave any sin out because  Padre Pio was also given the gift to discern  souls. If you did not want to or forgot to mention a particular sin, he would remind you of it. This saint was given the stigmata, the five wounds of Christ. He also had the gift of bilocation.

I will never achieve even one ounce of  Padre Pio’s holiness, but I do want to develop my gifts as God would will.

The Rosary

I pray the rosary with special intentions. For example, I could offer the First Decade to someone in my family who needs special prayer.   On another decade I will pray for our country, etc.  Needless to say, my rosary can last more than an hour. I was up early Saturday morning, but as I started to pray the rosary, I found myself completely out of the spirit, thinking of worldly matters. A strong spirit of conviction came over me, but I did not finish the rosary. I’m going to change that!

The Phone And The Computer

The phone is not my only distraction. I get distracted by looking up mindless information on the computer. Usually when this happens, things unrelated to  the search pop up.  All of our electronics are collecting personal information that is programmed to capture our scattered attention span. Hours later we end up in a deep rabbit hole, wondering how we got there in the first place. Besides this I suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and dyslexia!

Another distraction is online shopping. I may not purchase the items,  but my cart is filled with things I can live without. Again, it’s the wasteful hours that take me away from my prayer life that plague me with guilt.

The Plan

Knowing fully well that change is a process,  I’m going to start with spiritual baby steps to rid myself of the infections from the world. First I’m going to time myself on social media. I’ll start by setting an alarm for 10 minutes at a time and also keeping the phone at a distance if I’m occupied with something else. Listening to the rosary via an app will help me finish praying the five full decades. Please pray for me!

“Be content to progress in slow steps until you have legs to run and wings to fly.”  Saint Padre Pio of Pietreicina

Spiritual Discipline

The Lord wants us whole. We can’t fully serve God if we have one foot steeped into the world of electronics. In everything in life there must exist a balance. We are dependent on our phones; both of my grown children know where I am 24-7. I  keep tabs on them as well with the “Find My” app. These apps simplify our lives and give us a better perspective and appreciation for technology, especially if we have younger children. But God, too, has an app.

The God App

You cannot download this app because it’s supernatural. However, you can download it in your heart.  God knows exactly where we are physically, emotionally and the path we are on. We need to clear away  all the debris to reach holiness. The God app speaks to our conscience, but many cannot hear anymore because they have deleted it from their hearts. Some have chosen to block the God app because it’s become too intrusive. Some will keep the app but never use it, while others will gladly share the app.

Download The God App

God sees all the destruction of those who have deleted His app. They have unknowingly become slaves to the world; their god Satan  prevents them from seeing the true light. It’s never too late to download the God app, because He is with you during your darkest days and wants to shed His light into your wounded heart.

My Prayer

Lord, forgive me for allowing all the worldly distractions to come between You and me. I humbly ask that You give me another opportunity to serve You as I should. Lord, teach us all to download Your app, so that we can live the life we have been called to. Father, bring us all to a greater of  level of holiness. Amen.

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The Confirmation Retreat

My almost perfect students

“Revealed” was the title of the retreat for the catechists in 2024.

Preparing

For the past two years I’ve had the pleasure of teaching teens ranging from ages 15 through 18, preparing them for their sacred Sacrament of Confirmation. This particular class represents students from six Orange County high schools. Half of the students attend private Catholic high schools; the other half attend three different public schools.

Charlie’s Angels

I was blessed to have well-behaved students, but many of them were not responding to questions I presented on the subject we were reviewing. My worst experience as a teacher is to ask questions and for half of the class to stare at you blankly. I wanted them all to engage and understand what was being taught to them, so I came up with a plan.

the lineup:shortest to the tallest

The Plan

Throughout my missionary trips I have accumulated a variety of souvenirs, from rosaries to praying cards, so I decided to give some of my treasures to the students who participated in class by simply answering a few questions. At first this was a great idea, but they soon lost interest. Several of the students eagerly raised their hands and sometimes shouted out the answers, but the dormant students remained quiet. I knew that they could respond, but they did not want to participate.

I prayed about it and came up with an idea that would motivate the entire class. Purchasing raffle tickets and a few gift cards to Chick-fil-A  and In-N-Out did the trick. The students would receive one ticket for showing up for class, and any time that they participated with the class discussions they received another ticket.  With every response to a question came another ticket. By the time the class was over some students could have as many as five tickets, increasing their chances to win. I’m happy to report that even the most reserved students started to open up  because of this little plan.

The Diversity

As I mentioned earlier I have an equally diverse group of students representing different cultures. This is one beautiful aspect that California has to offer: we love and accept our West Coast melting pot. It was the same for the students; they respected one another with the love of Christ. I understand that once this class is over many of these students will go their separate ways, some, however, made new friendships with common interests in music and sports. I pray they keep in touch.

The Retreat

Me, Robin and Yvette
The rest of the team

The retreat was held at Irvine Retreat Center, which is a stone’s throw away from my home. Since Mother Nature took a sabbatical, our normally sunny California has been colder than usual. This bad- spirited weather followed us, giving us cold weather during the first part of our retreat. It was cold.

This retreat was a no-phone zone, so many of the students were complaining as soon as their parents dropped them off. For them, the time moved at a snail’s pace. After the first night the complaining did not get any better.  I was concerned because this was my first overnight retreat with the students, and I wanted them to feel the presence of God. After breakfast on the second day one student asked me for the time. It was 10:30 a.m.! He walked away saying, “We have 90 more hours of this!”

Kneeling before the blessed Sacrament

Finally the sun peaked through in time for the outdoor adventures, which included a scavenger hunt, making  words with their bodies, and other games to release any pent-up energy. During this segment one of my students asked me, “What is the purpose for these games? Why are we doing this?” I answered., “This is fun and plus we’re bonding.”  It was evident that many of the kids were spiritually absent. But God would soon change that.

Adoration

To Catholics, Eucharistic Adoration is being in the presence of God. We guard this sacred time as oneness with our Creator. Saturday night was set aside for Adoration and confessions. One of the requirements to be confirmed is that you must go to confession before the Confirmation. We had three priests hearing confessions, including our parish priest Fr. Eliardo.

This  night was similar to the Upper Room, when the fire of the Holy Spirit came down. Every doubt, including my own, was lifted. The anointed music helped usher in the Spirit of God,  and the aroma from the incense filled the room. It took hours of preparation to get these busy minds to a calm state of mind. The title of the retreat was “Revealed,” and truly the Holy Spirit was revealed to all of us.

The affirming letters

As I prayed with many of the students, I could feel the Spirit of God present in their yielded bodies. Many were brought to tears.

 

Mass

The Letters

After Adoration each student received a letter from their parents. Some students received several letters, including from siblings. These letters of affirmation supported and affirmed their spiritual journey. And I played a small part in directing their path to sainthood.

The Mass

On Sunday we celebrated Mass, but this time it was different for the students because they had experienced a deeper understanding of who they are in Christ. During the homliy Fr. Eliardo shared his personal, relatable story about how he questioned his Confirmation.

Behind the Scenes 

Abraham, our youth director, and his assistant, Patty, must have worked endless hours to  prepare this retreat. All this hard work upset the Enemy, so poor Abraham was in the ER with kidney stones the week before the start of the retreat. He pressed  through (with the help of meds) and made it through the entire retreat. Thank you, Abraham, for the special accommodations for us older ladies who needed to be well rested to fulfill our roles as catechists. All of the speakers were gracious in sharing heartfelt stories about their lives. It is difficult to speak to a group of teens, let alone keep their attention. Abraham, Patty, Becca and our MC, Tanner, put on a jacket of humility to reach these kids.

My Prayer

Dear Lord, I pray for all the catechists who participated in this retreat. May the Spirit of God follow them for the rest of their lives. You “Revealed” Yourself to each of them in a special way. Grant them special graces to continue their walk. Amen

 

 

 

 

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