Matthew 18:21-22 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

²¹ Then Peter approaching asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?” ²² Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.

 

I will be the first to admit that there are several people in my life that I struggle with. As Christians, we are to love and pray for everyone, but I battle with that as well. Before I start to pray for them, I must beg God to give me special graces, and for the prayer to come from my heart. Forgiveness is mentioned in the Bible numerous times, yet we all have to work to attain this objective.

Every day I attempt to obey the Lord, but every day I fall short. So I started to take a better look at myself, a self-examination, as I asked myself what I can do to become a better person, a better servant. I realize that truly forgiving others is the first step. We are either on the road to heaven or hell and along the way are many pit stops, warning signs from God: dead end, falling rocks, wrong way, go back, or no outlet. These signs symbolize that we need to analyze our direction. Unforgiveness is the biggest roadblock, and if you get stuck there, you fall into the habit of being  the victim who has been wronged.

Ephesians 4:26-27 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

²⁶ Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun set on your anger, ²⁷ and do not leave room for the devil.

The Biggest Roadblock

I mentioned earlier that I have to beg, yes beg, God for special graces to get through some difficult situations with people that hold you captive to their unforgiveness. This type of spirit is not from the Lord because God does not operate like that. It is a spirit of control that allows the person on the other end to remain in the state of  unforgiveness. Forgiveness does not always happen simultaneously; some people are wired to hold on to things longer. Anyone that comes from a large family understands that no two children are ever alike. But in the kingdom of God, His children are all made in His image. God has no favorites; in His eyes, no one is treated better than anyone else. I can only use myself as an example: I can’t add to save my life, I struggle to follow a recipe, and even with a calendar, I still get my dates all mixed up. That is what I have to deal with, but on the other hand, God gave me other gifts, gifts that I am fine tuning, and I understand that it may take a lifetime to master them. If we could understand all the gifts God has for us, we would be that much closer to attaining sainthood. God will only give us what He determines we can be trusted with. Unforgiveness blocks your giftings, because you are in an emotional state of sin.

Matthew 6:14-15 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

¹⁴ If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you.¹⁵ But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgression

The Sin

When someone hurts me or a loved one, I become angry toward that person. My thoughts are consumed with the pain that the person caused. I have a dialogue with other people in regard to this, my mind is constantly on that person,  how hateful his or her behavior was and how it affected me. This can go on for days, or until I come to my senses. The last time this happened, I could not shake it off on my own. I made an appointment with my priest for confession. It was through this session that I was able to move on and forgive. When the thought of the incident popped  into my head, I’d  say a prayer for healing of my emotions and pray for that person.

We cannot allow unforgiveness to take hold of our spirit because it causes our hearts to become hardened. It is a sin to hold on to these feelings because once you give in to unforgiveness, the Devil has control. This sin gives the Devil a foothold. When the Devil grabs you by the foot, he reaches for the rest of you. He affirms your causes, feeding you with pathetic lies so you retain  the mindset of unforgiveness. Once the Devil has control, the situation becomes about “you” and how deeply you were wounded. The Devil is a expert in making us feel wronged because he is a liar and the father of lies (John 8:44).  He is also the accuser of our brothers (Rev 12:10). He incites our resentment and nurses our wounds, reducing us to self-pity. When we reach this point, our emotions and thoughts are no longer ours: we become imprisoned by the offense. Our emotions now switch to revenge, and in order to protect our brokenness, our resentment takes control, so we give in to the sin of unforgiveness. When this happens, we are walking around with a dark cloud over us,  and we can’t see it because the cloud obstructs our spiritual vision.

Acts 26:18 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

¹⁸ to open their eyes that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may obtain forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who have been consecrated by faith in me.’

Set Free

I have developed  the habit of praying until I feel a release from this negative emotion. Sometimes I get a sign from God to confirm that the prayer has been answered. It is such a relief to be freed from unforgiveness. Forgiveness is an open door to all that God has in store for you. Forgiveness also frees the other person you have been holding captive. If the offense was committed by a toxic person, forgive that person and free yourself of that relationship. Like the words from the famous Disney song, “Frozen,” “Let it go!” God will repair your broken heart, but don’t take a lifetime to reach for the rope to pull yourself out of that rut. Satan will do everything in his power to sabotage all your relationships. He comes to rob, kill and destroy; this is his purpose on earth. I leave you with the universal prayer:

Matthew 6:9-13 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

The Lord’s Prayer. ^{9 “}This is how you are to pray”:

Luke 12:10 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

10 “Everyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but the one who blasphemes against the holy Spirit will not be forgiven.

Poor Planning

We frequent New York about every other year. Each time we try to catch a Broadway play. Through the suggestions of FB friend’s postings, the Book of Mormon was the play to see. It won nine Tony awards, and one of those included best musical. Even if we would have read the reviews about this musical, it never have mentioned how offensive it was. So in haste I made the call to see this raunchy play. When we arrived at the theater our seats had a survey taped to the cushion. I love to participate in surveys and offer my two cents. The survey asked quite a few question about “South Park.” This is when I came to the realization that the creators of South Park were the writers of this play. The last question of the survey was in regards to whether you felt this play was appropriate for children. I could not answer that question because I had no idea if it was suitable for children.

Broadway

When you make it to Broadway, in the eyes of the world, “you’ve arrived.” This group of gifted singers and dancers were part of this echelon. We have seen many Broadway plays that leave you with a feeling of being well entertained. I marvel at the talent bestowed on these actors, and, whether they realize it or not, this a gift from God.

The Play

The lively musical started with an upbeat doorbell-ringing number but, as the play progressed, the darkness of a blasphemous song created a huge black cloud over the cast. I was no longer engaged in any affirmation for the entertainers. The dark cloud spread to the audience and seemed to hover over me when the scene switched to a song that irreverently mocked God. After this, the ensemble cursed God, and using their middle finger, to make the song seem more credible, I wanted to leave. Then came the skit about having sex with a baby; the audience laughed.  There is no shock here because the world has become desensitized to these profane acts. I wanted nothing to do with this.

James 4:17 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

¹⁷ So for one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, it is a sin.

The Exodus

We were a group of six but our seats were not together, so during the intermission we were texting each other. Mike got up and I followed him to let him know that I was leaving, Mike tried to calm me down, but I was too upset to be talked into anything other than leaving. At this point I created so much confusion that no one really knew what we were doing. Through miscommunication, Willie and Leslie stayed because they thought that we were staying. Larry, Helen, Mike and I left the theater. When we opened the doors to the exit, I felt the cool night air calm my rattled nerves. We decided to walk to St. Patrick’s Cathedral. As we walked into the magnificent church, the organ was playing, we lit a few candles and prayed our petitions. The piercing sound of the organ touched my heart and, even with hundreds of tourist onlookers, I still felt the presence of God. The organ continued to play and we were all blessed to witness a beautiful wedding, but we decided to leave after the bride took the long walk to the altar. We met up with Willie and Leslie at a local restaurant. I asked Leslie, “Did the play redeem itself?”  “No, it got worse” Leslie answered. I was so grateful and thanked God that we did not have to witness any more of this mental abuse.

Connecticut

I have always wanted to experience the foliage and see with my own eyes the peek of all the vibrant colors of fall, but Mother Nature had other plans. She caused heavy rain to follow us all the way to Westbrook, Connecticut. I watched from the back window the SUV as the yellow, orange, and red leaves made their final exit to the soaked ground. The rain is different here; back home we get intermittent rain but here the rain is relentless. Other than the cat-and-dog weather we enjoyed the company of good friends for one day of rest, and home cooked meals courtesy of Vita Pasta, a local favorite that provided the best Italian food.

Conclusion

I will never make this type of mistake again. Without prayer there is no discernment, and we all paid a hefty price, monetarily and mentally. I have never liked the sick satire of South Park and I should have been more conscientious about the decision to choose this play. To answer the last question on the survey: I would never take a child or any human being to see this play!

On the upside side Nordstom opened the most beautiful store in Manhattan, but it was a bit overwhelming, way too much to take in, and a lot bigger than the usual Marshall’s I shop at.

God is good and still sits on the throne, one day the rest of world will recognize this.

1 Peter 4:12-13 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

¹² Beloved, do not be surprised that a trial by fire is occurring among you, as if something strange were happening to you. ¹³ But rejoice to the extent that you share in the sufferings of Christ, so that when his glory is revealed you may also rejoice exultantly.

The Disorder

I have lichen plantus, an autoimmune disorder; my condition was confirmed by a biopsy. It has been an uphill battle, and sometimes I feel like a hopeless case. Last week after giving me over 40 shots of steroids on the lesions of my arms, the dermatologist has referred my case to a skin specialist at UCI (University of California Irvine). The doctor also stopped the light treatments that I was receiving because they triggered itching.  For the last seven months, the condition has not improved;  there is no pain, just excessive itching and unsightly lesions. My daughter’s dog, Paco, suffered from fleas this past summer and, until they got the right treatment, the poor dog would scratch and cry at the same time. This is the only comparison I can make with my condition. I feel like a dog infested with fleas, but, unfortunately for me there is no relief.

The Treatments

From the beginning of the journey I have tried many home remedies. “You need to eat aloe vera!” This will help cure you, one friend said. The next morning after Mass, she brought me a large prickly branch of the homeopathic plant. As I cut the branch into smaller portions, the sap was slimy and made me gag. I did what I was told; I swallowed two fingers’ worth of the aloe vera while jumping up and down, screaming “I can do this! I can do this!” This caught the attention of my grandson who came running to the kitchen to investigate the matter. “Grandma, what is that?” Lucas pointed to the clear, jelly-like substance. I answered the first thing that came to my mind, “it’s elephant snot.”  I could not continue to swallow the slimy jelly. I felt like I had ingested a slug, so I put the aloe vera into a smoothie instead. Another well-meaning friend gave me liquid CBD. “Just put a few drops under your tongue before you go to bed. I did a lot of research on this, and I know it will work,” he said. It did not. I purchased some ginger root, cut it up and placed it on the lesions that I could reach, but that did not work either. I had holy water from  Lourdes, France and thought for sure that this would do it because I had received a healing in the past. But, sadly, I had no relief.  “You need to take a warm saltwater bath and this will do the trick!” said another friend. This just triggered more itching! I received a package from another friend in Colorado, who is in the CBD business. The package included some medicinal ointment and a slew of chocolate laced with CBD’s. There were no instructions with the candy, so I ate some, thinking it was part of the medicine. It made me feel a little drowsy and I fell asleep. When I woke up from my slumber my teeth were filled with cannabis seeds. I’ve tried turmeric in a soft chew, but to no avail. “You need to bathe in guava leaves, but you must first boil the leaves .” said another friend. With this suggestion I just got a visual of me boiling the leaves and carrying the water upstairs to the tub. I saw “accident” written all over it, so didn’t even attempt it. Then I had an epiphany: I remembered the holy oil that from the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem. This holy oil is almost impossible to come by because it is produced from the oil lamps in the tomb of Jesus. Only the Greek Orthodox have access to this oil. We were at the church  and as soon as I saw a man exit the private door of the Greek chapel, I ran to him and asked for the oil. He gave me a blank look and continued to walk away. I told the ladies I was with that we needed to wait. Sure enough, he came back and when I asked him again, he replied “How many?” We did not want to come across as greedy so we asked for seven bottles. I prayed for a miracle before lathering myself with the holy oil, but when I woke up all my lesions were still visible.

Wisdom 16:12 New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)

The Torment

Last week for the first time in months, I cried. I told Mike, “I can’t take this anymore! The itching is too much!”  He was making dinner, and looked at me with great compassion. He said, “It’s going to get better, you’ll see.”  “When? I yelled!” “Soon,” he softly answered.” At that point I did not care about my disorder; I was ashamed of my selfish behavior. I walked out of the kitchen and into our family room. I sat on the couch and thanked God for Mike, then  lifted my top and scratched my back.

Trusting God

The God that I serve will neither leave me nor forsake me. I am being tested, not only to trust God, but to develop patience. God knows how I suffer from impatience. Another lesson the Lord is teaching me is to offer up my suffering for others. My condition is not contagious, or life-threatening, and for that I am grateful. During the seven months with this disorder I had forgotten to invoke the army of saints to intercede on my behalf. I am calling on St. Rita of Cascia, the saint of lost causes or impossible cases;  St. Jude, saint of desperate situations; and St. Anthony, saint of skin diseases, to plead on my behalf. I am learning to suffer in silence and to offer up the discomfort for those who are experiencing life threatening trials. In the end the battle belongs to the Lord. Please pray for me.