And God Said…Mind Thine Own Bees Wax

Sonja and Mike (dad) Pepperdine days
Sonja was Robin’s (red) maid-of-honor

When our daughter was attending Pepperdine University she came to visit us in Santa Barbara, CA. She had met this young man from Malibu, CA and was eager for us to meet her new boyfriend.   My beautiful daughter walked in with this strange young man tatted from head to toe with piercings in his nose, eyesbrows, tongue and ears. He wore a heavy chain on the world’s widest bellbottoms attached to his wallet. This jaw dropping experience left me with visual scars. From this day forth, I felt that I had a mandate from God to find Sonja a husband. This short journey got me in a lot of trouble.

The Interviews

Years ago Mike and I were at the St. Regis, a swanky Dana Point Resort, to attend a wedding. I scouted out prospective male suitors for Sonja. I went as far as sitting next to them and interrogating these poor souls. I found this particular young, tall, handsome 30-year-old and thought he would make a perfect match for Sonja. I called Sonja to join us for the reception, and the sound of her horrified voice threw me off guard. “You want me to crash a wedding to meet a stranger!” She yelled. My response was, “What’s wrong with that?” Dead silence after that, she was livid. That didn’t bother me a bit; the way that I saw it, I needed to try harder.
God’s Help

I was on a missionary trip to the Czech Republic and I remember chasing after a priest with a prayer request to find the right husband for Sonja. This was a common occurrence, and wherever I traveled, I made it a point to include this prayer request. I was obsessed with this task and even got Mike involved. He arranged for a blind date with one of his younger golfing buddies. This was the biggest disaster ever! But did I learn my lesson? Nope, I continued to work diligently in meddling in all of my poor daughter’s affairs.


At another wedding, I did something so shameful that it pains me to write about it. I went as far as getting a young man’s phone number from Sonja’s cell phone bill and called him. This guy was a physical therapist and I came up with a creative opening  dialogue about my dog having a hip problem. From this conversation, I smoothly  transitioned into asking him how things were progressing with him and Sonja. The nerve of this young man, he never called Sonja again. Sonja got wind of this and I still did not understand why she was so upset. I was just trying to help.

Russ and his big hair

I continued with my odd behavior until I received a dream. I was in the Holy Land when the Lord gave me this dream. In the dream Sonja was being fitted for her wedding dress, and she was standing on a riser in the bridal shop. I was lurking in the background and I could see how happy she was. The dress was beautiful, especially the bottom, which had intricate beadings and a lot of beautiful detailing. When Sonja and the seamstress left the room, I came in with a needle and thread and started to hem the dress myself. I heard them coming so I quickly ran out. Sonja started to cry, “Who would do this terrible thing? The most beautiful part of my dress is missing!” I woke up crying and prayed for forgiveness for all the meddling and embarrassment that I caused Sonja. After the dream I realized what I was doing was so wrong that my prayers were misguided and controlling to the point of witchcraft. What I mean by this is that I was not allowing God to do what was best for Sonja. My prayers were not efficacious and God set me straight in the dream. What I should have been doing was asking God to do His will in Sonja’s life, not begging for him to find her a husband.

The young man from Malibu turned out to be a sweet gentleman, but remember this was almost 20 years ago when piercings and tattoos were still frowned upon. I promise I will have nothing negative to say about people who choose to express themselves with tattoos but back then it was taboo.

Lucas and Cubby are  part of God’s plan

Soon all was forgiven, and Sonja introduced us to Russ at our annual Tamale Party. Russ’s first appearance did not go over well with me because I was still that judgmental mother wanting the best for our daughter. I still had some controlling stuff I needed to get rid of. Russ had this huge hair thing going on, and it was way too long.  After a few dates, Sonja invited Russ over for breakfast. I remember  sarcastically asking him, “So do you even go to church?” Russ replied,”I’m Catholic.”  It was as if harps and heavenly trumpets went off in my head! From hearing this I knew he was the one that God had chosen for Sonja, and I had nothing to do with this union. Russ is a perfect fit for our family and we love him dearly.

My Prayer

Prayer for unmarried children: Heavenly Father, I know you have a perfect plan for sons/daughters future. I am asking that you bring the right person in their lives that are going to care and love them for who they are. Lord, you are in control of their lives, and all I’m asking is that they find the right helpmate and that this marriage be sanctified by you. Amen!

Mothers of the world, do not try to control who your children are going to date or marry. Remember, God has the perfect person for each one of them. Don’t mess with God’s plan.

 1 Thessalonians 4:11  and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, 12  so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

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